New favorite phrase

Hello, dear family and friends. I pray this finds you well. I am doing well and so very thankful for it. Healing well from recent surgery, energy levels are getting there. Not where I want them yet, but I am very hopeful that I will continue to improve. My hair is curly as all get-out!

I receive in my daily email a devotional from Joni and Friends, written by Joni. It always proves to be encouraging, comforting, challenging, etc. This phrase has stuck with me from a recent one -

"All this trouble has crowded me to Christ. It is simply mud around the gold."  

She was speaking about a woman who had lost her husband in the war, then had a profoundly disabled child that needed surgery  after surgery. Rather than be bitter and blaming, these things caused her to run to her Heavenly Father, and cling. I know this feeling, and am thankful He has always waited with open arms to receive me - whether upset, fearful, in pain, or simply healing, crowding at the feet of my Saviour is all I can do. He is the One with the comfort, the answers, the patience, mercy and grace to hear me out. As much as I don't want to repeat any of the last year, I am thankful for the opportunity to draw close to Him in hardship. Keeping eternity in mind helps in realizing the fragile nature of this world, while we are still given it to enjoy and grow. So much to learn!

The last few months have been so very hectic - football, field hockey (many of you know Kristen's team went as far as the top 8 in States, and won the County championship for the 1st time in 37 years!), bridal showers and wedding plans, surgery for me, and also for my brother - a surprise discovery of colon cancer, and we were blessed to have the same surgeon that cared for me also take care of Paul. She's wonderful and truly a gift. They do believe it is contained, but they are still waiting for final results of the tests. We shall see...what a full time of life!  In the midst of these difficulties, we have enjoyed the kids immensely and are pleased to be approaching Megan's wedding with great anticipation! Less than 5 weeks and she is a new bride! Such joy in this!

When you are facing difficult times, don't draw back - crowd to Christ. You will discover the gold underneath all the mud. It is truly a precious treasure.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.    

I Peter 1:6-7

I pray that you all have a blessed Lord's day tomorrow. May you find good teaching, great fellowship and a deepening of your relationship with Jesus. 

Andi

Still on the way up...

So, hope you are all well.  I am continuing to improve, and yet not fast enough!  Still learning lessons in what 'slow down' truly means. Thought I was, but not enough to heal quickly from this hernia operation. Reconstruction is going well, and I continue to be so blessed by my docs, nurses, and everyone I come into contact with at Paoli. But, I am still resting a lot and glad for it. Okay, not ALWAYS easy to do, but I am still thankful for it.

I do find myself a bit more emotional now than I did in the middle of it all.  Chatting with my oncologist, she said that happens a lot...always a task before, the next treatment, the next test, the next appointment, the next side effect...plow through and battle this beast.  Not that there weren't emotional times before, but they were definitely different.  Now, truly sitting back with a "WOW, what a year!" feeling.  The Lord has been so faithful in so many things, one of them being my ability (His gift) to separate my situation from every scary story I hear about reccurence, or other major issues following treatment.  I do have some stuff that still needs resolution, but I am keeping that in perspective. 

Mostly, right now, I am truly humbled and blessed by so many that are showing me their servant hearts. Being a 'special events assistant' at church, I was heavily involved in planning our annual Fall Fest held today. Being in a situation (due to the hernia, not the breast cancer!) where I am not allowed to lift and really don't last very long yet, so many wonderful helping hands and servants made my job so much easier. What a blessing to sit back and just watch so many do the things that I usually end up doing! I usually have many helpers, but no need to sit by and watch. This year, I've had to ask for a lot of help - lifting cider jugs and coffee pots, unloading my car, getting supplies at Walmart and the church kitchen, wiping down tables, cooking hotdogs, heating and serving cider, running extention cords...believe me, I never did this all alone before, but certainly had a bigger hand in it! Such a gift! My daughter, Kristen, outdid herself - loading her car with so much from home, running to Walmart, helping with face painting for the kids...and bringing things home since I left early to get to my comfy chair at home.

How do you thank people for that?!  Just let them receive the gift of being the server.  Hugs, always!  And trust the Lord will restore me so I can serve in return!  In the meantime, listen to these words from "Jesus Calling"...

"Take time to be still in My Presence. The more hassled you feel, the more you need this sacred space of communion with Me. Breathe slowly and deeply. Relax in My holy Presence while MY FACE shines upon you. This is how you receive My Peae, which I always proffer to you. Imagine the pain I feel when My children tie themselves up in anxious knots, ignoring My gift of Peace. I died a criminal's death to secure this blessing for you. Receive it gratefully; hide it in your heart. My Peace is an inner treasure, growing within you as you trust in Me. Therefore, circumstances cannot touch it. Be still, enjoying Peace in My Presence."

Numbers 6:23-26

“The Lord bless you and keep you;

 

the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

May you know that His face shines upon you this coming week. "When suffering strikes, remember (He) is sovereign and can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in His Name, offering it up to Him for His purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you coler to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust adn thankfulness." (Paraphrased from Jesus Calling)

"HOLY"   Lyrics by Matt Redman

What heart could hold the weight of your love
And know the heights of Your great worth?
What eyes could look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun?

You are holy, holy, holy
God most high and God most worthy
You are holy, holy, holy
Jesus You are, Jesus You are

Your name alone has power to raise us
Your light will shine when all else fades
Our eyes will look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun

Who is like You, God?

And You will come again in glory
To judge the living and the dead
Our eyes will look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun

Andi

What an anniversary...

All these dates just keep sliding by me, and I am remembering them vividly from last year. Don't think I will ever forget certain ones, like today. Getting a call while standing in the Walmart check-out line from my soon-to-be favorite surgeon in the world, confirming the diagnosis of breast cancer, and the type, and her recommended treatment. From day 1, I felt confident in the Lord's leading and in every step that the doctors placed before me. Not that it was without fear at times, but the bilateral mastectomy didn't surprise me. I believe the Lord prepared me from the day of my mammogram that showed 'issues'. I wasn't trying to be overly negative, but just had a gut feel. So, her phone call didn't shock me at all. I continued checking out while she reassured me I would be fine, it was very treatable...slow growing, and all that. Actually, we discussed treatment options at a later time, after an MRI confirmed more possible spots. Walked out to my car - called Buddy, my sister, a few others...and I did cry, but not as much as you may think.

It's almost surreal that so many steps have already been taken. I pray that I can digest fully all the things I have learned this past year. I wouldn't trade some of the things I have learned and dealt with for anything. I do wish it wasn't as hard on my family as it has been at times, but they haven't shown me that too much. Inconveniences, annoyances, sure. But, also a deep sense of the reality of Christ walking with me each step of the way. Even on the darker days, the unsure moments, His peace was always there. So very thankful for that.

It's late and I need to sleep...but I did want to jot down a few thoughts.

As always, my THANKFUL THOUGHTS:

• The refreshment of rest.
• The blessing of meals provided when very needed.
• Umbrellas in the rain at a hockey game!
• Hot tea during same game.
• My safe place at home at the end of a long evening. Never thought it would be a big deal to make it to a game! So glad to be there tonight to cheer on our girls!
• Thoughtful cards and calls from good friends
• Hearing my mom's voice every day when I call - 'Howdy-de-doo!' or 'Good morning, sunshine!'. Very aware that is a gift not to be taken for granted.

Rest well everyone. I have more to share...will do so tomorrow.
Andi

Another glorious day!

I know, I know...where have I been!?  Doing pretty well overall, and just finished another round of surgery this past Wednesday. But, as I have told many, this was all forward-motion! My mediport came out - REALLY means no more chemo!  Had a hernia repaired and some reconstruction work done.  I am uncomfortable and tender and tired, but okay. And so very thankful for the doctors and nurses at Paoli...

The Lord does some amazing things in the midst of difficulties. While being prepped for surgery on Wednesday, I had the nicest nurses.  One was familiar, and I am pretty sure both of them have cared for me before.  To make a long story short, as we were talking, one of them named Jo asked about our kids, schools, where we live, etc. (Weird...I never make friends with strangers! Ha!). Turns out she lives about 2 miles from us, is a believer, her brother-in-law (a missionary to Japan) just bought a house from someone in our small group and her 2 daughters have just begun attending our church! What a blessing! Immediate connection that went way deeper than IVs and bedside manner. And such an encouragement to me.  No doubt God's hand was in the placement of that nurse with me that day. 

From Jesus Calling this morning...
Wait quietly in My presence while My thoughts form silently in the depths of your being. Do not try to rush this process, because hurry keep your heart earthbound. 

Psalm 5:3
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you
    and wait expectantly.

So much truth in that simple sentence and verse. There have been a lot of quiet moments for me...not just in the morning, but often at night. Sharing with someone about that, I commented that while I wouldn't ask to go through this past year again, there was a very sweet learning of quiet time with the Lord. An urgency I don't always have when spending time with Him. I felt Him more intimately in the midst of some dark days...now, to hold on to that sweet closeness during brighter days!
I think it is human nature to not run to Him as quickly when things are 'good'. We are so dependent on our circumstances and shouldn't be! I need Him just as much when things are fine as I do when things seem dark. 

So, here I sit...healing yet again. But it's okay. Sore, tired, very tender but here are my thankful thoughts:

• The doctors who care for me. I genuinely enjoy them. Especially, Dr. Attebery.
• Gorgeous weather to buoy my spirts and allow me to get fresh air in my room with windows somewhat open most of the time.
• Opened windows also mean that I hear my wind chimes better. Just love them
• My servant husband and kids...such a gift. I'm really trying to behave, and they make that easier!
• Calming music...I have needed more peace and quiet ever since last year, and love instrumental praise, or light classical...just so soothing when I don't want it silent.
• Friends and family who help with meals. Such a blessing. I've always enjoyed doing it for others, and am so thankful to be on the receiving end. 
• A clearer head with this surgery to enjoy the time of healing with reading, etc. Chemo made my head so foggy, I just had a hard time focusing.
• The beauty of coming fall colors mixed with the remaining beauty of summer flowers...just lovely.

I pray you are all having a wonderful day. There seem to be so many that are hurting in such a variety of ways. Our God can handle them all, and has gone before you, preparing the way - wanting nothing more than for you to lean on Him and see His hand at work. May you draw close to Him, closer each day.

Andi

Wow...what a difference a few weeks make!

So, again, it has been a while! While I still face some day to day issues, they are relatively minor and mostly fatigue related. Just still at a slower pace than I used to be, but my muscle issues are much better thanks to physical therapy and rest. I definitely have some limitations, but I can see a difference from a month ago, and I am thankful! Now the trick will be to continue to pace myself wisely...more surgery coming up in September (removing port, reconstruction, and a hernia repair!) so that will set me back a bit, but it is not nearly as all-consuming as last year's!

And we have joyful news that many of you already know...Megan is engaged! We love Ben and are having a great time planning a December 2012 wedding - yes, THIS December! She already had so much thought through, that it has been pretty easy so far. And FUN!  So now our fall will be packed with field hockey, football trips, and wedding plans! Like I said, I will need to continue to pace myself, but will take each step with God's grace and wisdom.

A song by Mandissa that I have enjoyed:

THESE DAYS

I never liked mondays or bad news
Or breaking in new shoes
And mornings when I can't find my phone

Nobody likes traffic or short nights
Or sit-ups or long flights
But sometimes that's just the way it goes

It's funny what you use to help me grow

(Chorus)
So I'll learn to love these days
Life along the way, in the middle of the crazy
God, your love is so amazing

Through the ups and downs
Your the only hope I've found
Lord you meet me in the madness
So I'll learn to love these days

I can see silver lining
When the sun's not shining
Even when you choose to bring the rain

Oh, but there's freedom believing
And trusting your leading
Cause you're Lord of all my joy and all my pain

I could waste a hundred years You gave me here
The days when you were near
The days when I was out there
Looking for what comes next

Cause every minute, 
Every hour
Everyday is such a gift
And I'm content
I'm thankful for each breath



It's obviously a very light-hearted and fun song, but I am sure you can see why I enjoy some of the words.  So much more aware of many little things these days...

Thankful thoughts:

• Air conditioning! So not able to tolerate heat this summer!
• The upcoming wedding - they are seeking to glorify the Lord in it and make it fun, simple and wonderful. What more could we hope for!
• Summer flowers, struggling in the heat, and some that thrive in it!
• Ice cold lemonade - and some that they make sugar-free!
• Having eyelashes back, and better than they used to be.  :)

Have a wonderful day!

Andi

My little heaven on earth...

It has been so long since I have written and I apologize. I guess I am getting back to the business of life, which is a good thing. Though it seems long and slow day to day, I definitely see improvement overall, and I am thankful. Just to keep you up, I am about 7 weeks or so out from the end of radiation. There is so much improvement since then, but still some lingering issues...muscle reaction to radiation, still some neuropathy in my feet, fatigue...but slowly dissipating.  I am on Tamoxifen and handling it pretty well.  Still learning lessons on patience and being gracious to myself!


Many of you know that our family has been involved with Joni and Friends family retreats for quite a few years. I was not able to attend the first 2 weeks earlier in the summer, but I am currently writing from camp!  Week 3 began today, and it is such a pleasure to be here. I certainly have some limitations, but have so many willing hands to help. They spoiled me with a room closer to the front porch where I serve. For those of you who don't know, it is a family retreat for families affected by disabilities. Volunteers are here to serve, celebrate and honor these families, and to be the 'hands and feet' of Jesus to them. There is a lot of laughter, connection, fun and growing during these days. I coordinate a front porch 'spa', where there are haircuts, massages, manicures and foot massages available to pamper these dear ones. It is an honor to be here, among wonderful friends, creating another year of memories and deeper relationships.


Thankful thoughts:

• Safe travels today, and great help getting the porch set up. Very thankful for strong young men and women so willing to help!
• The beauty of Spruce Lake Retreat Center.
• A delightful driver to help me get here
• Such encouragement from those that missed me other weeks
• The organization (and woman) behind so much of this...as they say, all this from one broken neck! Joni is such an encourager, and many capable people serve so well with her
• My coffee pot, sitting here on my dresser, ready to go at 6:30...mmm, I can almost smell it already!  :)  Yes, I brought my grinder and everything!

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

This is our theme verse this week, and we will definitely be about the business of the Lord...as it should be at home as well.  It is with a more specific purpose that we do it here, in a more concentrated setting, but it is so good to carry this home.

Have a blessed week. Pray for me, that I will be wise in caring for myself as well as serving others well. It's such an honor.

Andi

PBPGINFWMY

No, my typing skills have not significantly diminished...the title is a flashback to my younger years where there were stickers and buttons circulating with these letters...Please be patient. God is not finished with me yet.  (Anyone remember those?!) Well, the truth of that phrase sticks with me these days. We are always a work in progress. Sometimes the process is easier than others! If you know my husband at all, you know he can't let a funny line slip by without uttering it outloud, and in the course of a conversation with Megan last night, he had the chance to remind her that HE is part of HER sanctification process...thanks, Dad?! Anyway, in the moment, it was very funny.


I truly am amazed at times of all I am still learning. I thought I had learned all kinds of patience and contentment, and I have. But, I sure do get restless when my body reminds me to be kind to it and be patient and rest and heal. Constantly reminding myself that I need time, just time, to heal this very tired body. I do see improvement, but it is slow. So, I remain where I am - simply a sinner who still needs to be reminded to never let go of my Savior's hand. Strive to do the next right thing, even if it takes longer than I want it to! I am learning all kinds of delegating skills...which is not a bad thing at all. And often giving others the blessing of helping me when I need it. 


Thankful thoughts:

• Flowers - any of them. Just love the variety, endurance of those that can stand full heat and sun, the color and beauty of others, the delicate loveliness of those needing cool and shade, and all the while, they raise their heads to the sun. Just beautiful. Kind of like all of us.
• Sleep - so sweet when it comes. One continual struggle I have is to sleep well.
• Books - 'real' or on Kindle, makes no difference. Just love to read. Kindle books are easier to get rid of if you don't like them, thought! And reading is a good companion late at night...
• Enjoying my family - they make me smile and laugh so much
• Music - speaks volumes to my heart

James 5:7-8

 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.  You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.

Be encouraged today, in the Lord's great love for you - no matter what your circumstances. He knows, He has been there, and longs to accompany you wherever you are.


Andi

Just another day...

What a spectacular day it was. I LOVED the sleeping weather last night, especially since I don't really sleep well and was able to enjoy the cool breeze and actually snuggling under the covers, reading. Hot flashes didn't bother me last night! And the chimes that were gifted to me sounded beautiful in the breeze. I may go to bed by 9ish, but don't sleep til closer to 11 or 12. Still wake up several times a night too. Oh well. It's all a process, getting back to a new normal.

Not much new on many fronts. I miss Kristen, since she is still at camp, but will get to visit again this Thursday. A long day, but so worthwhile. Just spending some of my time getting caught up on odds and ends, starting to plan for school next year, actually keeping up with dead-heading plants for a change...some days with a very nice pace to them. I don't do well when I have a day that is too fast-paced.

I found a new Selah album and am enjoying it. Here are the lyrics to one of the songs, and they certainly mean a great deal to me right now.

He'll hold you

Storms may come, Storms may go

The pain may linger like melting snow

The wind may toss you to and fro

But he'll hold you through it all

He'll hold you

When the tempest rages all around

He'll hold you

Plant your feet on solid ground

He'll hold you

When the waves come crashing down

He'll hold you through it all

Hard time will come, rain will pour

You can't see the road anymore

You heart’s been washed up upon life's shore

But He'll hold you through it all

When you're fallin', hear Him callin'

He will come in the midst of your storm

Just hold on tight with all your might

He will hold you through it all

I would say that I am doing very well overall, but still go through discouraging times when I wonder if I'll be my old self again. Not needing naps, having my feet feel fine, and my balance back. But I know it is timing, and can't really imagine coming out of this last year completely unaffected. Many of the ways I have been affected are positive - deeper trust in the Lord, more focused on important things, appreciation of small things, learning to pace myself and let other things go...

Thankful thoughts:

• Cool sleeping weather!
• Steaks on the grill
• Unhurried time at home
• Visiting camp - not the same as being there, but better than nothing.
• A good report from my Plastic Surgeon. He thinks my skin looks amazing! Yay!
• All the folks who make camp such an amazing place every year - I know it's not perfect, but it is indeed precious
• Having things done to relax for the evening
• Having Buddy finished with his Mom's house...he and Tina have done so very much and it is over...

I pray you all have a good night's sleep and a great day tomorrow. Just heard from Kristen and she is doing well. So glad she loves it up there. I know the days will end when our kids are not home anymore, so I am enjoying every moment...I so enjoy having Megan still home. She is such a joy and a bright spot. It's been great having Bob home, and a mile away for work this summer, so he comes home every day for lunch! Hardly see Kristen right now, but she's where she needs to be. We will catch up with her in July! So many things I find for which to be thankful. 

God bless...

Andi

The gift of song...

Well, this morning, I was able to help sing for worship at church for the first time in almost a year. I was exhausted, but it felt good to sing again! Nothing fancy, no solos, just singing harmony and melody, depending on the song. I love to sing, and love to worship with Matt Griffith and the crew he usually asks. What a blessing. It was fun, encouraging and something else that is being restored from this past year. I don't know how often I will be able to do this, but it was a good thing. I am thankful. 


Buddy is feeling much better, thinks he never had Lyme's and is having to listen to me nag him to be careful and persistent. Another friend from church snagged him this morning who is a physician that helps a lot of folks with Lyme's, and discussed things with him. It's hard when you get a false negative, and you feel a ton better! He will probably pursue another blood test this friend suggested that can show the reality earlier than other blood tests. Tricky thing, Lyme's is...


Thankful thoughts:

• The recent lack of humidity the past few days
• Naps, especially when nighttime sleep eludes me
• Rosebushes
• A day-visit to Joni camp. better than nothing! And I get to go again this week!
• Scrambled eggs made by my son. Yumminess.  :)
• Reading. One of my favorite pastimes

This is my prayer for you...it is one of my favorite passages, and holds so many things that I wish for you.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

As far as my situation...my radiation burns are healing very well. Still itchy, but mostly faded. I need to stay out of the sun since that skin is too sensitive for sunscreen. That's okay..heat is not my friend right now anyway! Be praying for my feet. They continue to be an issue, and I am pursuing some other options to help them. We will see...


Have a blessed week. Enjoy the cooler weather this week!
Andi

Life continues to be interesting...

Well, another eventful weekend in our household. In my almost-30 years of marriage to this wonderful man, Buddy, I have only seen him VERY sick about 3-4 times. Borderline pneumonia years ago, appendicitis, and this weekend. We are waiting on results and think that he may have Lyme's disease, but won't know til bloodwork comes back. He was so sick though, that we got him to an ER on Saturday night, due to dehydration and a headache that was excruciating for him...couldn't keep anything down to help with that. Sunday started showing some improvement and he slept most of the day away. And he took his first sick day today in 10 years-ish! It was a pleasure to serve him and drive him to the ER, but I am certainly worn out today! It was worth it, and glad to do something for him for a change...very thankful he is showing some improvement and resting today (although, while I was gone this morning, he cleaned up the family room and kitchen..even scrubbed my stovetop! Now he is cleaning up around the pool. THEN, he intends to take a nap and read the paper! He does NOT sit still easily!)


This song has been repeating in my heart and mind lately. I have no choice but to rest in His everlasting arms...

O Wondrous Love
O wondrous love that will not let me go
I cling to You with all my strength and soul
Yet if my hold should ever fail
This wondrous love will never let me go

O wondrous love that’s come to dwell in me
Lord who am I that I should come to know
Your tender voice assuring me
This wondrous love will never let me go

CHORUS
I’m resting in the everlasting arms
In the ever faithful heart
The Shepherd of my life
You’ll carry me on Your mighty wings of grace
Keeping me until the day
I look into Your eyes

O wondrous love that sings of Calvary
The sweetest sound this sinner’s ever known
The song of Your redeeming Son
Whose wondrous love will never let me go

O wondrous love that rushes over me
I can’t escape this river’s glorious flow
You overwhelm my days with good
Your wondrous love will never let me go

Another thing this weekend - I said goodbye and God bless to our team from church that heads to the Spruce Lake Retreat center for Joni and Friends family retreats...first time in 8 years I have not been able to go, and my heart just aches. I have NO doubt the Lord will do wonderful things, and I know He works VERY well without me! He doesn't need me, but has allowed me to serve there, and I don't like missing it! Purely selfish motives, and I pray that those serving in my stead will be a blessing and be blessed as well. Such a wonderful place, and I have been thankful for it over the years on many levels. Just another evidence that He has a different schedule than I do, and I know His timing is perfect. That being said...I still don't like being home when I know camp is happening!

In that light, please read the following form Jesus Calling this morning:

You are my beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you. Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment.  Your hope and future are rooted in heaven, where eternal ecstasy awaits you. Nothing can rob you of your inheritance of unimaginable riches and well-being. Sometimes I grant you glimpses of your glorious future, to encourage you and spur you on. But your main focus should be staying close to Me. I set the pace in keeping with your needs and My purposes.

Joni and Friends Retreats are some of the glimpses He gives me...it is a little piece of heaven here on earth...not perfect, but pretty close!

Thankful thoughts:

• My rose bush. Planted last year, beautiful this year!
• The strength to help Buddy this weekend
• Cool nights for sleeping
• A faithful puppy keeping my toes warm
• All the ladies serving on the front porch at camp as I type. Miss them, and so thankful for them!
• People telling me they loved my baldness and like the cropped hair I have so far!

One verse that has struck me recently:

Proverbs 16:9

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.

I'm thankful for a heavenly Father who knows what He is doing. We make plans, but He is he one directing. So much wiser than I. May I be established in Him, sensitive to the steps He wants me to take.

This picture was taken on my last day of radiation treatment.  I have more hair by now! Have a blessed day.

Andi

It's been a while...

Hey everyone. So, you can be assured I am doing better since I have not been on here for quite a while. And I am doing better. Not 100% yet, but getting better bit by bit. I'm finding myself processing a lot emotionally, more than I was earlier. Whether that's a natural thing or just a matter of having the time to process things, I don't know...I'm told that a lot of ladies do this! Overall, I am continuing to feel so thankful for my doctors, and extremely thankful that my main treatments are over. I have to guard against feeling that just because it's over doesn't mean that I'm back to normal. I am dealing with some radiation burns (apparently, they continue to accelerate in reaction for a week or two before they begin to heal - who knew?!). And there are some lingering chemo side effects. They may be more permanent, but time will tell. Over and over again, I am reminded of just how long this journey is.  Step by step...


I think because so much effort is put into getting through surgery, and especially chemo, that there is a letdown when it is all done. Radiation was definitely easier, but not without its own issues. Whether one is trying to 'put on a brave front', or just needs to cope with side effects, getting through things is just doing the next right thing. Once that concentration is over, many folks get fearful of a recurrence. I honestly haven't gone there at all, but definitely see the letdown factor...such relief, but a bit of a loss of what has identified you for so many months. And I'm not done - healing will take months, and doctor visits continue forever!  Seems like it, anyway. Thankfully, my identity is not about this. This has been a phase of life, and will continue to color my days for quite some time. But, the Lord has been faithful, reminding me where I am truly grounded.


One of my current favorites:


You Deliver Me by Selah


Deep as the ocean, right as rain
This powerful emotion lifts me up above the plain
It's taken me to places I never thought I'd go
Showing me a grace I never thought I'd know

When I feel like I can't go on, You deliver me
When the road is winding and way too long
You deliver me, You deliver me

I feel like a sinner, my sins have been washed clean
An absolute beginner whose heart has never seen
I must be forgiven sometimes asking why
I was chosen to be given you in this life

When there's a distance
Between what I am and who I want to be
You deliver me




Just a beautiful song, and I have often felt like I'm on a winding road that is way too long. I know many of you have longer roads than I. He knows and He is walking it with you, too.

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God. My hope comes from Him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

I wonder how many times I have repeated myself!? Hopefully, not noticeably often, for your sakes...I just find myself going back to some of the same verses that offer strength and encouragement. Getting used to a new 'normal' is not always easy. But, it is possible!


Thankful thoughts:

• Wind chimes...ladies, you know who you are who gifted me with them on my 'bell-ringing' day. I smile every day.
• People willing to put lotion on my back - even when it's not their favorite thing to do and they don't like greasy fingers.  :)
• Cool evening/sleeping weather
• Finch eggs - every year, they next in one of our hanging baskets on the front porch. 4 eggs so far.
• My very soft, fuzzy hair growing in!
• Medicine to help burns heal
• Tube tops! I found one at Walmart! It is a makeshift bandage to hold medicine and pads in place to cover my healing burns. Bright pink too! Haven't worn one in YEARS...and won't any time soon when I am better!

Have a blessed evening, what's left of it. I am heading to bed and pray that you sleep deeply and well. It is so healing to do that!

Andi

3 days off!

What a beautiful, hot, humid day! The heat and I are not friends right now, but it is lovely. Some of our spring flowers are beginning to fade away, but the roses are starting to bloom and the annuals I planted are adding some amazing color, plus the hanging baskets on the front porch...so pretty.


Kristen is on day 7 in China, and we are hearing some amazing stories about her trip coming through some emails. What a wonderful experience for her! I hope she comes home!


Radiation is going pretty well...more fatigue each week and some redness/itching but nothing at all unusual. More uncomfortable, but again, just what is expected. So, as has been my life for the last many months, I do what I can when I can - otherwise I rest. And wait.


Songs this week...an old one by Carman. Anyone know him!?


Step of Faith
Above the noise I hear the voice of God givin' the choice for me to say
I do believe and will receive within the heart of me the seed of faith
He does accept a baby step as long as I have kept His word inside
But Jesus knows that I must grow and tells me I must go ahead and try
Well all right, okay, I guess it's up, up and away

Chorus 
I'm takin' a step, takin' a step of faith, Walkin' out on the promises God made
Takin' a giant leap in the air, Steppin' out on nothin' and findin' somethin' there
Tellin' the doubt to wait, wait, wait, wait
I'm takin' a step of faith

It turns me out to think I'd doubt someone with so much clout from up above
And yet I see the way that He can work with me and do it all in love
The past is gone, the future's long and I need someone strong to help me through
I'm ready now to take the vow and see just what the power of God can do
Well all right, okay, I guess it's up, up and away

Walking with the Lord, stepping in the light
Living by faith and not by sight...


I do love my music. Such a variety! This one has a funky beat and sticks with me.


From Jesus Calling:
Approach each new day with desire to find me. Before you get out of bed, I have already been working to prepare the path that will get you through this day...Search for deep treasure as you go through this day. You will find Me all along the way.

Colossians 2:2-3

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Isaiah 33:6

  He will be the sure foundation for your times,  a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;   the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.


These verses are precious to me. The Lord knows that there are days I need to be encouraged in my heart, and that I want complete understanding. He is teaching me so much, and is truly my sure foundation.


Thankful thoughts:

• A weekend with Bobby home, and Brit here too!
• Ice cubes...so nice on a hot head!
• Friendly people in a very crowded Walmart. That could have been a stressful trip! 
• Summer flowers. 
• BBQ ribs (never made them!) and shrimp on the grill...hope it's good!
• Air conditioning. Definitely necessary these days...

Have a great weekend, wherever you are. Just a brief word of very genuine thanks to all who have served or do serve in our military. This is what the weekend is all about and we have more than we know to be thankful for. I am blessed to know and pray for someone is each branch of our military (more than one in several branches), and I count it a privilege to hold you in prayer. Matt, Patrick, Dan, Ricky, Jessie, and so many others...you are a blessing to us.


Love to all,
Andi

Number 18 today...feeling it!

I can certainly say that, for the most part, what docs have told me has been pretty consistent...when I feel sick, or better, or needing time, or feeling fatigue, etc. They know what they are talking about, even though there are so many variables for each person. I have treatment #18 this morning, week 4. Even though it seems forever day to day, it is going very quickly in the whole scheme of things. So much easier in many ways than chemo was, but not without its issues. Time-consuming, fatiguing (but not til this week, really), and some minor skin issues starting. Again, they are taking good care of me and all the techs/nurses and Dr. Curry are delightful. I have been able to share in the 'ringing of the bell' with several ladies before or after my appointment, signifying the end of their treatments and that is such a simple pleasure! June 11th, I will be doing the same!


As you can tell by my lack of entries, I am getting busier as well as often too weary to write when I do have the time. And I sometimes feel as though I say the same things over and over, so I just don't always want to bore you! The Lord is reinforcing many lessons learned - primarily those about pacing myself, choosing priorities, and being comfortable with where I am right now. Trusting in His timing in restoring my energy and abilities, along with my physical healing. Still have so much to learn!


Songs I have been enjoying on my travels...

Every Time I Breathe (by Big Daddy Weave)

I am sure all of heaven's heard me cry 
As I tell You all the reasons why 
This life is just too hard 
But day by day, without fail 
I'm finding everything I need 
And everything that You are to me 

Chorus: 
Every time I breathe You seem a little bit closer 
I never want to leave, I want to stay in Your warm embrace 
Oh basking in the glory shining from Your face 
And every time I get another glimpse of Your heart 
I realize it's true that You are so marvelous God 
And I am so in love with You 

Now how could I after knowing One so great 
Respond to You in any way that's less than all I have to give 
But by Your grace I want to love You not with what I say 
But everyday in a way that my life is lived 

Depth of Mercy (by Selah)

Depth of mercy, can there be mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear? Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul’s impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me


There are others, but I'll save them for another day!


Thankful thoughts:

• The beauty of spring flowers! Planting flowers, seeing the riot of color as blooming is at its height...just LOVE it!
• Opening our pool...yay!
• Email - I can still keep in touch with Kristen while she is away! (China - huge trip!)
• Ceiling fans - hot flashes are intense these days...don't know where I would be without it!
• Days of energy - they are very encouraging!

I leave you with this verse.
I Peter 5:6-7:  Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


He is so capable and willing. Love to you all.
Andi