It has certainly been a while...some milestones along the way

It has been quite a long time since I have posted anything, which is a good thing since I am doing so well!  But I would like to catch you up on a few things...

This past Sunday marked the 2 year mark already of the end of my chemo treatments!  And June 8th will mark the end of all my active treatments - that was my last date of radiation treatment in 2012.  There are some dates I will never forget.  I will also not forget the outstanding care I received and continue to receive from my doctors and their staff.  I just saw my surgeon and plastic surgeon yesterday for a routine check up and was reminded of why I love them so much.  Not only do they take good care of me and address any issues, but they ALWAYS ask about my kids, my husband, my whole family.  Yes, they got to know everyone!  It is always a blessing to chat with them and see the nurses in their office. They saw me through some pretty dark days, always with a hug and smile, like so many friends and family did for me.

After looking back at that time, I will say that while I would not wish it on anyone, there was such a sweetness about my time with the Lord then.  I want to hold on to that.  Certainly not repeat the difficulties, but continue in the deepening of my dependency on Him.  He has taught me a great deal through that journey. 

I won't say I am without issues...I still have neuropathy in my feet that is probably as good as it is going to get.  My blood sugars have been a battle ever since finishing treatments, and there are side effects from the meds I am on.  But they pale in comparison to the renewed sense of life, joy and thankfulness this has all brought me.  He is truly good...all the time.  

My 5 thankful thoughts:
Spring seems to finally be here! Laundry is on the line...
Energy to do many things I used to do, and a joy in walking
How quickly things begin to grow in the warmth...hyacinths, daffodils, etc already showing up in just a few days
Music that comforts and encourages
My family - they continue to amaze and delight me in so many ways, even through tough times.

A song I have grown to love:

Sweet Will of God
My stubborn will at last has yielded
I would be thine and thine alone
And this prayer my lips are bringing
Lord, let in me thy will be done

[Chorus:]
Sweet will of God, still fold me closer
Till I am wholely lost in thee
Sweet will of God, still fold me closer
Till I am wholely lost in thee

I am tired of sin, footsore and weary
The darksome path hath dreary grown
But now a light has risen to cheer me
I find in thee my Star, my sun
[Chorus]

Thy precious will, O conquering Savior
Doth now embrace and compass me
The storms have ceased, my peace a river
My soul a prisoned bird set free

I love the visual image of Him folding me in His arms more closely.  So comforting...may you find it a comfort as well.

New favorite phrase

Hello, dear family and friends. I pray this finds you well. I am doing well and so very thankful for it. Healing well from recent surgery, energy levels are getting there. Not where I want them yet, but I am very hopeful that I will continue to improve. My hair is curly as all get-out!

I receive in my daily email a devotional from Joni and Friends, written by Joni. It always proves to be encouraging, comforting, challenging, etc. This phrase has stuck with me from a recent one -

"All this trouble has crowded me to Christ. It is simply mud around the gold."  

She was speaking about a woman who had lost her husband in the war, then had a profoundly disabled child that needed surgery  after surgery. Rather than be bitter and blaming, these things caused her to run to her Heavenly Father, and cling. I know this feeling, and am thankful He has always waited with open arms to receive me - whether upset, fearful, in pain, or simply healing, crowding at the feet of my Saviour is all I can do. He is the One with the comfort, the answers, the patience, mercy and grace to hear me out. As much as I don't want to repeat any of the last year, I am thankful for the opportunity to draw close to Him in hardship. Keeping eternity in mind helps in realizing the fragile nature of this world, while we are still given it to enjoy and grow. So much to learn!

The last few months have been so very hectic - football, field hockey (many of you know Kristen's team went as far as the top 8 in States, and won the County championship for the 1st time in 37 years!), bridal showers and wedding plans, surgery for me, and also for my brother - a surprise discovery of colon cancer, and we were blessed to have the same surgeon that cared for me also take care of Paul. She's wonderful and truly a gift. They do believe it is contained, but they are still waiting for final results of the tests. We shall see...what a full time of life!  In the midst of these difficulties, we have enjoyed the kids immensely and are pleased to be approaching Megan's wedding with great anticipation! Less than 5 weeks and she is a new bride! Such joy in this!

When you are facing difficult times, don't draw back - crowd to Christ. You will discover the gold underneath all the mud. It is truly a precious treasure.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.    

I Peter 1:6-7

I pray that you all have a blessed Lord's day tomorrow. May you find good teaching, great fellowship and a deepening of your relationship with Jesus. 

Andi

Still on the way up...

So, hope you are all well.  I am continuing to improve, and yet not fast enough!  Still learning lessons in what 'slow down' truly means. Thought I was, but not enough to heal quickly from this hernia operation. Reconstruction is going well, and I continue to be so blessed by my docs, nurses, and everyone I come into contact with at Paoli. But, I am still resting a lot and glad for it. Okay, not ALWAYS easy to do, but I am still thankful for it.

I do find myself a bit more emotional now than I did in the middle of it all.  Chatting with my oncologist, she said that happens a lot...always a task before, the next treatment, the next test, the next appointment, the next side effect...plow through and battle this beast.  Not that there weren't emotional times before, but they were definitely different.  Now, truly sitting back with a "WOW, what a year!" feeling.  The Lord has been so faithful in so many things, one of them being my ability (His gift) to separate my situation from every scary story I hear about reccurence, or other major issues following treatment.  I do have some stuff that still needs resolution, but I am keeping that in perspective. 

Mostly, right now, I am truly humbled and blessed by so many that are showing me their servant hearts. Being a 'special events assistant' at church, I was heavily involved in planning our annual Fall Fest held today. Being in a situation (due to the hernia, not the breast cancer!) where I am not allowed to lift and really don't last very long yet, so many wonderful helping hands and servants made my job so much easier. What a blessing to sit back and just watch so many do the things that I usually end up doing! I usually have many helpers, but no need to sit by and watch. This year, I've had to ask for a lot of help - lifting cider jugs and coffee pots, unloading my car, getting supplies at Walmart and the church kitchen, wiping down tables, cooking hotdogs, heating and serving cider, running extention cords...believe me, I never did this all alone before, but certainly had a bigger hand in it! Such a gift! My daughter, Kristen, outdid herself - loading her car with so much from home, running to Walmart, helping with face painting for the kids...and bringing things home since I left early to get to my comfy chair at home.

How do you thank people for that?!  Just let them receive the gift of being the server.  Hugs, always!  And trust the Lord will restore me so I can serve in return!  In the meantime, listen to these words from "Jesus Calling"...

"Take time to be still in My Presence. The more hassled you feel, the more you need this sacred space of communion with Me. Breathe slowly and deeply. Relax in My holy Presence while MY FACE shines upon you. This is how you receive My Peae, which I always proffer to you. Imagine the pain I feel when My children tie themselves up in anxious knots, ignoring My gift of Peace. I died a criminal's death to secure this blessing for you. Receive it gratefully; hide it in your heart. My Peace is an inner treasure, growing within you as you trust in Me. Therefore, circumstances cannot touch it. Be still, enjoying Peace in My Presence."

Numbers 6:23-26

“The Lord bless you and keep you;

 

the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;

the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

May you know that His face shines upon you this coming week. "When suffering strikes, remember (He) is sovereign and can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in His Name, offering it up to Him for His purposes. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you coler to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust adn thankfulness." (Paraphrased from Jesus Calling)

"HOLY"   Lyrics by Matt Redman

What heart could hold the weight of your love
And know the heights of Your great worth?
What eyes could look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun?

You are holy, holy, holy
God most high and God most worthy
You are holy, holy, holy
Jesus You are, Jesus You are

Your name alone has power to raise us
Your light will shine when all else fades
Our eyes will look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun

Who is like You, God?

And You will come again in glory
To judge the living and the dead
Our eyes will look on Your glorious face
Shining like the sun

Andi

What an anniversary...

All these dates just keep sliding by me, and I am remembering them vividly from last year. Don't think I will ever forget certain ones, like today. Getting a call while standing in the Walmart check-out line from my soon-to-be favorite surgeon in the world, confirming the diagnosis of breast cancer, and the type, and her recommended treatment. From day 1, I felt confident in the Lord's leading and in every step that the doctors placed before me. Not that it was without fear at times, but the bilateral mastectomy didn't surprise me. I believe the Lord prepared me from the day of my mammogram that showed 'issues'. I wasn't trying to be overly negative, but just had a gut feel. So, her phone call didn't shock me at all. I continued checking out while she reassured me I would be fine, it was very treatable...slow growing, and all that. Actually, we discussed treatment options at a later time, after an MRI confirmed more possible spots. Walked out to my car - called Buddy, my sister, a few others...and I did cry, but not as much as you may think.

It's almost surreal that so many steps have already been taken. I pray that I can digest fully all the things I have learned this past year. I wouldn't trade some of the things I have learned and dealt with for anything. I do wish it wasn't as hard on my family as it has been at times, but they haven't shown me that too much. Inconveniences, annoyances, sure. But, also a deep sense of the reality of Christ walking with me each step of the way. Even on the darker days, the unsure moments, His peace was always there. So very thankful for that.

It's late and I need to sleep...but I did want to jot down a few thoughts.

As always, my THANKFUL THOUGHTS:

• The refreshment of rest.
• The blessing of meals provided when very needed.
• Umbrellas in the rain at a hockey game!
• Hot tea during same game.
• My safe place at home at the end of a long evening. Never thought it would be a big deal to make it to a game! So glad to be there tonight to cheer on our girls!
• Thoughtful cards and calls from good friends
• Hearing my mom's voice every day when I call - 'Howdy-de-doo!' or 'Good morning, sunshine!'. Very aware that is a gift not to be taken for granted.

Rest well everyone. I have more to share...will do so tomorrow.
Andi

Another glorious day!

I know, I know...where have I been!?  Doing pretty well overall, and just finished another round of surgery this past Wednesday. But, as I have told many, this was all forward-motion! My mediport came out - REALLY means no more chemo!  Had a hernia repaired and some reconstruction work done.  I am uncomfortable and tender and tired, but okay. And so very thankful for the doctors and nurses at Paoli...

The Lord does some amazing things in the midst of difficulties. While being prepped for surgery on Wednesday, I had the nicest nurses.  One was familiar, and I am pretty sure both of them have cared for me before.  To make a long story short, as we were talking, one of them named Jo asked about our kids, schools, where we live, etc. (Weird...I never make friends with strangers! Ha!). Turns out she lives about 2 miles from us, is a believer, her brother-in-law (a missionary to Japan) just bought a house from someone in our small group and her 2 daughters have just begun attending our church! What a blessing! Immediate connection that went way deeper than IVs and bedside manner. And such an encouragement to me.  No doubt God's hand was in the placement of that nurse with me that day. 

From Jesus Calling this morning...
Wait quietly in My presence while My thoughts form silently in the depths of your being. Do not try to rush this process, because hurry keep your heart earthbound. 

Psalm 5:3
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you
    and wait expectantly.

So much truth in that simple sentence and verse. There have been a lot of quiet moments for me...not just in the morning, but often at night. Sharing with someone about that, I commented that while I wouldn't ask to go through this past year again, there was a very sweet learning of quiet time with the Lord. An urgency I don't always have when spending time with Him. I felt Him more intimately in the midst of some dark days...now, to hold on to that sweet closeness during brighter days!
I think it is human nature to not run to Him as quickly when things are 'good'. We are so dependent on our circumstances and shouldn't be! I need Him just as much when things are fine as I do when things seem dark. 

So, here I sit...healing yet again. But it's okay. Sore, tired, very tender but here are my thankful thoughts:

• The doctors who care for me. I genuinely enjoy them. Especially, Dr. Attebery.
• Gorgeous weather to buoy my spirts and allow me to get fresh air in my room with windows somewhat open most of the time.
• Opened windows also mean that I hear my wind chimes better. Just love them
• My servant husband and kids...such a gift. I'm really trying to behave, and they make that easier!
• Calming music...I have needed more peace and quiet ever since last year, and love instrumental praise, or light classical...just so soothing when I don't want it silent.
• Friends and family who help with meals. Such a blessing. I've always enjoyed doing it for others, and am so thankful to be on the receiving end. 
• A clearer head with this surgery to enjoy the time of healing with reading, etc. Chemo made my head so foggy, I just had a hard time focusing.
• The beauty of coming fall colors mixed with the remaining beauty of summer flowers...just lovely.

I pray you are all having a wonderful day. There seem to be so many that are hurting in such a variety of ways. Our God can handle them all, and has gone before you, preparing the way - wanting nothing more than for you to lean on Him and see His hand at work. May you draw close to Him, closer each day.

Andi

Wow...what a difference a few weeks make!

So, again, it has been a while! While I still face some day to day issues, they are relatively minor and mostly fatigue related. Just still at a slower pace than I used to be, but my muscle issues are much better thanks to physical therapy and rest. I definitely have some limitations, but I can see a difference from a month ago, and I am thankful! Now the trick will be to continue to pace myself wisely...more surgery coming up in September (removing port, reconstruction, and a hernia repair!) so that will set me back a bit, but it is not nearly as all-consuming as last year's!

And we have joyful news that many of you already know...Megan is engaged! We love Ben and are having a great time planning a December 2012 wedding - yes, THIS December! She already had so much thought through, that it has been pretty easy so far. And FUN!  So now our fall will be packed with field hockey, football trips, and wedding plans! Like I said, I will need to continue to pace myself, but will take each step with God's grace and wisdom.

A song by Mandissa that I have enjoyed:

THESE DAYS

I never liked mondays or bad news
Or breaking in new shoes
And mornings when I can't find my phone

Nobody likes traffic or short nights
Or sit-ups or long flights
But sometimes that's just the way it goes

It's funny what you use to help me grow

(Chorus)
So I'll learn to love these days
Life along the way, in the middle of the crazy
God, your love is so amazing

Through the ups and downs
Your the only hope I've found
Lord you meet me in the madness
So I'll learn to love these days

I can see silver lining
When the sun's not shining
Even when you choose to bring the rain

Oh, but there's freedom believing
And trusting your leading
Cause you're Lord of all my joy and all my pain

I could waste a hundred years You gave me here
The days when you were near
The days when I was out there
Looking for what comes next

Cause every minute, 
Every hour
Everyday is such a gift
And I'm content
I'm thankful for each breath



It's obviously a very light-hearted and fun song, but I am sure you can see why I enjoy some of the words.  So much more aware of many little things these days...

Thankful thoughts:

• Air conditioning! So not able to tolerate heat this summer!
• The upcoming wedding - they are seeking to glorify the Lord in it and make it fun, simple and wonderful. What more could we hope for!
• Summer flowers, struggling in the heat, and some that thrive in it!
• Ice cold lemonade - and some that they make sugar-free!
• Having eyelashes back, and better than they used to be.  :)

Have a wonderful day!

Andi

My little heaven on earth...

It has been so long since I have written and I apologize. I guess I am getting back to the business of life, which is a good thing. Though it seems long and slow day to day, I definitely see improvement overall, and I am thankful. Just to keep you up, I am about 7 weeks or so out from the end of radiation. There is so much improvement since then, but still some lingering issues...muscle reaction to radiation, still some neuropathy in my feet, fatigue...but slowly dissipating.  I am on Tamoxifen and handling it pretty well.  Still learning lessons on patience and being gracious to myself!


Many of you know that our family has been involved with Joni and Friends family retreats for quite a few years. I was not able to attend the first 2 weeks earlier in the summer, but I am currently writing from camp!  Week 3 began today, and it is such a pleasure to be here. I certainly have some limitations, but have so many willing hands to help. They spoiled me with a room closer to the front porch where I serve. For those of you who don't know, it is a family retreat for families affected by disabilities. Volunteers are here to serve, celebrate and honor these families, and to be the 'hands and feet' of Jesus to them. There is a lot of laughter, connection, fun and growing during these days. I coordinate a front porch 'spa', where there are haircuts, massages, manicures and foot massages available to pamper these dear ones. It is an honor to be here, among wonderful friends, creating another year of memories and deeper relationships.


Thankful thoughts:

• Safe travels today, and great help getting the porch set up. Very thankful for strong young men and women so willing to help!
• The beauty of Spruce Lake Retreat Center.
• A delightful driver to help me get here
• Such encouragement from those that missed me other weeks
• The organization (and woman) behind so much of this...as they say, all this from one broken neck! Joni is such an encourager, and many capable people serve so well with her
• My coffee pot, sitting here on my dresser, ready to go at 6:30...mmm, I can almost smell it already!  :)  Yes, I brought my grinder and everything!

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

This is our theme verse this week, and we will definitely be about the business of the Lord...as it should be at home as well.  It is with a more specific purpose that we do it here, in a more concentrated setting, but it is so good to carry this home.

Have a blessed week. Pray for me, that I will be wise in caring for myself as well as serving others well. It's such an honor.

Andi