Sorry so quiet the last few days...

For those of you who are faithful readers, sorry I have been so quiet. The weekend was a rough one, but not as bad as it could have been. Just wasn't up to doing anything...thankful that it is over and we are starting 'upswing' week! Thank you so much for your consistent notes of encouragement, and ever-faithful prayers. When I know what many others are dealing with on a regular basis that is so much harsher than my situation, it reminds me of how very much I have for which to be thankful even in the midst of this circumstance

I am spending the day puttering and having yet another doctor's appt...just checking in with my primary doc and then seeing a Lymphedema specialist on Thursday. I am not having any swelling at this point, but my surgeon wants to have me evaluated to stay on top of things. Another reason I am thankful for her. She doesn't wait til there's a problem. And never a week without at least one appointment somewhere!

It always feels good to do more normal things this week.  Not high energy, but cleaning the desk and going through paperwork, clipping coupons that I will probably never use before they expire (Teresa, I need a lesson!), catching up on laundry...things I so often took for granted before this. Now I am relishing the little challenges they present. I do what I can do, and then I rest.

Church still proves to be a challenge. Crowds are overwhelming. But, I am so thankful our church puts Steve's (and other speakers') messages online. I listened to one from 1/15 on Sunday morning and sat here and wept. If you get a chance and are interested, please listen...anyone can. www.cefcelverson.org  On the right hand side of the homepage, there is a listing of recent sermons. It's called 'Christ's easy Yoke'...check out the date I mentioned. I feel for Steve since he had a cold and you can hear it in his voice. You can also hear the passion he has for the Gospel and sharing it with others, and how much he longs for us to understand how gracious and good our God is, and how greatly He loves us. Also, how we can handle situations like I am in and be alright...because we know we are ULTIMATELY alright with HIM...just such a wonderful reminder and a challenge to those of you who may not know our Lord personally. Please seek Him.

Psalm 105:4

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.

Luke 19:11

"For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost."

Thankful thoughts:

• Sunshine and warmth today! So good for the soul...
• Turkey and pickle sandwiches...I sound pregnant, don't I?!
• Cards and notes...such a blessing.
• Cleaning the desk. Simple pleasures.
• A thoroughly shaved head! No more stubble...thank you Brenda Shirk!  :)

Enjoy the sun and warmth while it lasts. Sure doesn't feel like the end of January!

Andi

 

Rollercoasters have never been a favorite...

Buddy and I are a good team in many ways. Even when the kids were little and we would be doing the amusement park thing, we balanced each other well...I didn't mind 'spinny' rides and he enjoyed rollercoasters. So, we tag-teamed with kids and rides. The only time I thoroughly enjoyed a rollercoaster was in Florida (MGM Studio park at the time) and they had the 'Rock-'n-Rollercoaster' where you were escorted into a 'limo', it was dark, the whole ride was dark and you listened to Aerosmith's music while being rocketed through a maze of neon signs and stuff. That one was fun, and I had to go since Buddy didn't feel well. I don't like heights AT ALL, so regular rollercoasters hold no appeal, but since this was dark (I couldn't see how high we were!), fast and loud, it was fun ~ went on it several times in a row, as a matter of fact! (Yes, I admit to liking some of Aerosmith's music!)

 

I'm on a different kind of rollercoaster right now, and don't like it any better. Ups and downs on a daily basis of various sorts, but thankful that the Lord is leading me through it. Can't always see where I'm going, don't like all the effects, etc...but it certainly is quite a ride. I sometimes think that it's good not to always see everything ahead of you. If we saw, if He revealed things too soon, would we be reluctant to trust Him if it was something we wouldn't want? There would be so much more room for questions, negotiations, etc. If I had seen how high we actually were in that rollercoaster, I would have NEVER gotten on and would have missed a really fun time with our kids. Same goes now...if I had seen cancer on the horizon, if I had imagined that this would have been part of my life as it is right now, what would I have done? Don't know that I could have avoided it, but there would certainly have been a great deal of anxiety before I even knew what was up. I think it is wiser to hold onto His hand and trust He knows what He is doing, and learn as I go. By all means, not to go blindly into it, and stumble along. Holding the Savior's hand is the safest place to be and He holds us up. And though I am not always thrilled with the ride, I am so thankful for what I am learning, the friendships that are deepening, the trust that is growing.

Thankful thoughts:

• Warmer day today and sunshine coming through!
• Pink roses and purple flowers
• Surprise visits at just the right time
• Not having to go anywhere today when I just can't
• Funny daughters who make me laugh every day...oh, and Bobby too! (Just not every day...he is 5 hours away after all!)
• Sugar-free jello
• Twin Valley coffee and Joy Pegler!  :)
• A husband who serves so well.

Psalm 139:1-6

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

Have a blessed day today.

This song was on my mind all night...

Just another quick thought for this morning...this song went through my mind off and on all night.

TURN YOUR EYES UPON JESUS

O soul, are you weary and troubled?

No light in the darkness you see?

There’s light for a look at the Savior,

And life more abundant and free!

CHORUS:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.


This chorus meant a lot to me last night...not a lot of sleep.

Have a blessed day.
Andi

Here we go again...

Day 2 post-treatment...not so great, but not unexpected. Yesterday was busier than I intended, but it was a fairly decent day for the most part. It usually is. Not much sleep all the way around, but I will catch up. The steroids are affecting me more this time but they will be out of my system soon, thank the Lord. Today, I can lay low and rest, I hope.

It was a pleasure to have Buddy and Kristen with me on Tuesday, and the room was pretty empty for most of my treatment, so I was even able to play some of my praise music from my computer without disturbing anyone. And, the nurse that took care of my port and starting the IV did a much better job this time along with numbing cream...so thankful for that!

A line from yesterday's "Jesus Calling". I didn't read it til last night and wished I had read it earlier...

"Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Me set the pace. Hold My hand in childlike trust, and the way before you will open up step by step."

Psalm 73:23-24

Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.

Thankful thoughts:

• Flowers brought by 2 special ladies! Thank you!
• The blessing of my 'Hearts and Hands' ladies filling in so graciously for each other.
• For the most part, a pretty patient puppy when I am laid up.
• One of the sweetest things my daughter has ever said to me...
• A warm fire on Sunday
• Soft hats for my cold head
• Life going on around me so smoothly - or at least it seems that way!

Well, that's it for this morning. I pray you have a blessed day. My next few will be quiet. Love you all dearly.
Andi

1 more, just one more...

It sounds easy, just one more, but I can hardly wait to be home tomorrow. Sure, there are 4 more of a different drug after this...then, radiation...but I'm not going there yet. One thing at a time. And this one thing is the last of a fairly harsh series of treatments. I know pretty much what the next 2 weeks will look like, good and bad. And then, we wait and see what the next round brings...

This whole journey has been a waiting game, and that is probably the biggest lesson I have learned. Waiting on the Lord, waiting to sleep, waiting for answers, waiting for a procedure, waiting to see how my body reacts to chemo...still many unknowns along the way as we move forward. And I know it can't compare to what many deal with.  But, yet again, I take great comfort in knowing a God Who is not surprised by ANY of this. He knew, He allowed it, and He is loving me and walking me through it - not because He is some big nasty who likes to punish or tease us. But, because we live in a fallen world, and He knows it. He redeems even difficult circumstances like this to be full of encouragement, growth, new and strengthened relationships, so many things.  Things I may have missed if I wasn't in the midst of this right now.

So, while I am weary right now, I won't be someday - here or heavenbound, I will not ALWAYS be in this situation. And I pray that I won't forget what I am learning on the way. I want these lessons to make me more like my Savior...how that is going to happen remains to be seen! More patient? I could use that. More compassionate, understanding, wise, and the list goes on. We all have growing to do, don't we?

Thankful thoughts:

• My birdfeeder - happily installed where I can see it (as long as I have glasses on) from bedroom or kitchen. Simple pleasures.
• My sister - bringing dinner on Sunday night, staying to enjoy it with us and folding laundry for me.
• My new bathrobe...long and gray. Buddy tells me I look like I belong in the Matrix movie!
• 5 days free of anti-nausea meds! Very nice
• The beauty of the snow with no icy layer...at least not here!
• My daughters - always a blessing
• Good conversation with Bobby tonight just catching up.
• Hearing the laughter of kids - from the quiet of my room!

Hope you are all safe and warm tonight. Thanks, as always for reading this. I'm a bit cross-eyed tonight, so not sure it made sense!

This thought...

Psalm 40:11 - "Lord, don't hold back your tender mercies from me. My only hope is in your unfailing love and faithfulness."

Psalm 103 reminds us that He forgives ALL our sins, heals my diseases, ransoms me from death and destruction, surrounds me with loving-kindness and compassion, satisfies my desires so I am renewed**...so many wonderful promises...of COURSE I can handle tomorrow! I'm not doing it alone.

(** This thought taken from "Grace For Each Hour" by Mary Nelson)

Ups and downs...

Yesterday was a great day, my most normal in quite a while. I felt pretty good for most of it and took full advantage! Cleaned the whole upstairs...the only place we still had Christmas decorations! I even baked some cookies...

Of course, I was wiped out by about 4 pm, and thankful I could rest for the evening. But, it felt good to do something else more normal AND for my girls. Today, I was definitely slower paced, but still productive in some things. I know I don't HAVE to be, but knowing I won't be much next week, it feels good to unburden my family from some little things for at least a time.

One of the things I have appreciated about this difficult time is how many people are making the extra effort to visit.  I don't do well in crowds right now, and appreciate one-on-one.  And people are very kind about making sure it's a good time for me. So, to those of you from nearby or those that have traveled, thank you for our chats. It's good medicine!

Thankful thoughts:

• My new birdfeeder...treated myself at Walmart and it is all set up and filled, so I can see it from my chair. I love birdfeeders and love watching them in the snow.
• Snow!  Getting some tomorrow!  I'm not a huge fan, but its beauty is not lost on me. AND I don't have to go anywhere, so that's nice
• Soup...have a new recipe to try tomorrow. I love making soup on a cold day.
• That I feel well enough to make soup!
• Talking to my Mom on the phone every day.
• Stretching - it feels so good.
• Hamburgers right off the grill - yep, the grill. Tasted like summer.
• Such good cooks that have taken such wonderful care of our family. And even when we least expect it...
• A phone call from a particularly favorite son of mine yesterday...just because.
• The white lights we have left up...they do make it cheerful on gray days.

Job 37:6,7

"He directs the snow to fall on the earth and tells the rain to pour down. Then everyone stops working so they can watch his power."

I John 5:21

Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.

This verse reminds me of all the distractions we have that can turn our attention away from knowing Him better. May we all find some peace and quiet this weekend to pursue Him. He longs for us to know Him better!

Have a blessed night's sleep. I hope to wake up to daylight (not middle of the night!) and see birds dancing around my feeder in the falling snow.

2 decent days in a row does wonders!

I love 'upswing' week. There is a sense of reality that this will be over and I will feel strong again. I love it. Still very tired and some side effects that never go away. But, definitely more energy and better sleep. It makes next week a bit more bearable, knowing it will be the last of this nastier combo. Yay! 

 

Tuesday, surprised my Dad at the mall for lunch (Mom knew!). Buddy joined us. Then, Kristen and I did some shopping and I got a new hat/scarf...orange plaid! I was beat but it was nice to be out. Yesterday, went up to church for a bit, to Walmart, then home. Kristen and I ran another errand or 2 later, and I've been sitting ever since...so, I am thankful for some normalcy in the midst of a crazy time. And for whatever comes tomorrow. Believe me, I am slow-paced and tired, but not as immovable for a few days.

I am finding a very sweet peace at night, since I do wake up so often. And I am praying...more than I have in a long time and it is a precious time.

II Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

It can be so hard in the midst of whatever we are dealing with to have an eternal perspective - especially if physical pain is a part of it. It weighs us down and we just don't have a vision of what is ahead...here in the every day or what He has prepared for us eternally. But, He wants us to trust. I so often think about what true suffering we do deserve due to our sin and denial of Him. And yet, He is wooing us back, wants us back and is preparing a place where we will understand, see His perspective and enjoy Him forever! Recognizing that is half the battle. Knowing Him personally and trusting in Jesus' saving work on the cross is the only way to navigate the sorrows of this world. We think we are suffering? We don't know the meaning of the word, compared to the suffering He endured on our behalf on the cross AND the suffering we truly deserve. Thankfully, He is a MASTER of mercy and grace.

Thankful thoughts:

• Another beautiful sky at night and sunrise an hour later...one advantage of being up early!
• Accomplishing things yesterday...let's see what today brings!
• Pink tulips - now open and lovely.
• Faith - it is a gift. Certainly not my natural bent.
• Shopping - never been much of one, but it was good medicine the other day with Kristen.
• Hope - another gift, and it does not disappoint. (see below)

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Starting to preach too much! Time to stop...have a wonderful, albeit COLD, day!

Andi

Come unto Me...

What a simple yet profound statement that is. He is longing for our fellowship. He designed it so that fellowship can be restored. And He loves us so much. I am astounded by this daily these days. So many have a view of God that is vindictive, enjoying 'punishing' us, making things deliberately difficult for us. And yet, the God of the Bible is just not like that. Surely, He is a God of justice, but One of profound mercy and grace as well...longing to dispense all His good on us. He was often harsh with His people, but all toward the end of restoring them to Him, bringing them back, glorifying Himself and revealing Himself to them. He is so much more than a Savior...and yet He is indeed that.

Our church posts Sunday sermons online and I have enjoyed keeping up with ones I miss. Apparently, I need to hear yesterday's! I have heard from so many that it was great, encouraging, so good...and variations on the same theme. Even Kristen came home commenting on how much she enjoyed it - she often does, but hearing this from a 16-year-old seems especially precious. It was on her favorite verses and wouldn't you know? "Jesus Calling" uses those same verses in this morning's devotional! Always astounds me when that happens.

Matthew 11:28-30

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

From Jesus Calling - "Come to me and rest in My loving Presence. You know that this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials. As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that I am with you - now and always...Come to me, and relax in My Peace. I will strengthen you and prepare you for this day, transforming your fear into confident trust."

Aren't those thoughts encouraging? I pray they are for you. No matter what, He knows and goes before us...ready to catch us when we fall, ready to comfort when we fear, ready to teach us when our hearts are soft to His word. I look forward to having the sermon up on the website so I can hear it...

Thankful thoughts:

• a wonderful visit with my Mom and sister, Padge. And potroast!  Yum!
• sweet time with Bridget, my resident giggler...she's good for me!
• Feeling better enough last night to fold laundry and make Buddy's lunch.
• Sunrises...so full of hope.
• Unexpected flowers! Thank you , my Great Valley friends. Such a pleasant surprise!
• The beauty of frost...the crystals were so large and beautiful on our deck this morning.  Cold, yes! But, so delicate and fascinating.
• Hair, completely gone! I know this is a weird one, but I shaved the rest off. The stubble hurt my head!

Have a blessed day. Andi



Rougher few days...

So, round 3 has proven to be more challenging all around. Another migraine, more nausea, much more fatigue. Extrememly thankful for only having one more round of this combo and moving on to the last four. Next round is on the 24th.

There's not an awful lot to say except that I'm hibernating a bit more and still so thankful for all the Lord is teaching me...mostly making this typically very-busy-person comfortable with staying still. Some days, it gets hard. But most days, I just trust that this is where I am and can't fight it right now. That would not be in my best interest. It's not just a matter of rising above it...my body needs to rest and isn't giving me much choice! When I can, I do what I can.

Yesterday, I had to laugh at one point. The girls were home all day, took care of me and kept Bailey out of my way. They're a gift. As SOON as they left, I got a migraine, the phone rang and the pup started to throw up. Unbelievable! I grabbed the pup and got her outside just in time, got the phone and then crashed afterward. I've been getting a migraine with each round...thankful for meds that help!

Thankful thoughts:

• A visit from Jane B. What a treat! Thank you for your listening, understanding ear.
• Other visits as well...Jan, Carolyn, and others. It's a treat to have a piece of your busy days.
• Surprise meals. What an unexpected blessing and so needed.
• Pink tulips.  :)
• Warm slippers and covers on these cold days.
• My tender caretakers - Megan and Kristen, mostly and my dear hubby.
• Mint tea.
• My little nook of a room.

Again, from "Jesus Calling":

"It is easy to touch up your outward appearance, to look asif you have it all together. Your attempts to look good can fool most people. But I see straight through you, into the depths of your being. There is no place for pretense in your relationship with me. Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood..."

Great comfort in that understanding these days.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither

height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (including cancer!), will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen.

So so sleepy and thankful...

They tell you that the fatigue gets more profound with each treatment. Well, they're spot on with that! So tired. Otherwise, very typical of the last 2 rounds. Some side effects are the same, some slightly worse. Mostly, just very tired and unsteady. All in all, thankful I only have one more round of this combo!

My days have a certain rhythm to them. Mornings, I still have a chance to get some things done. Afternoons...a different story. But that's okay. I'm trying to keep in mind that this is my primary job right now. I'll perk up in a few days.  :)

I have several blessings to share as well. I am being constantly amazed at people's thoughtfulness and kindness in such creative ways.

Blessing #1 - Yesterday, I received a package that held a beautifully handmade quilt in a lovely matching tote with a note explaining that it is to remind me that God loves me in the midst of my difficult circumstances and to keep me warm during treatments and down days. It's even personalized! I found out it is from a ministry at a friend's church called Cozy Quilt Ministries. So priceless!

Blessing #2 - I made a brief stop at Walmart this morning, and decided to treat myself to a manicure...just to get polish off and take care of cuticles. Anyway, being my shy self...I chatted with the ladies on either side of me. It became obvious that I am dealing with cancer. We shared stories and they were so kind. When I went to pay for my $10 little splurge, the owner wouldn't let me. The dear lady, Marion, wanted to cover it for me! What a precious gift...

The rest of my day was pretty much napping, resting and trying to focus on anything. So sleepy...

Thankful thoughts:

• Nail angels...Marion, thank you!
• Quilters...so dear.
• Muffins from Joan Hornberger. Yum!
• Resting on my bed today for a change.
• Reading...when I can concentrate.

So there you have it for today. I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to be the recipient of so many unique and special expressions of people's love and concern. I only hope that I can remain sensitive to this when this is over and find ways to do the same for others. I pray that you are all well.

From 'Jesus Calling' a devotional by Sarah Young:

"Let me bless you with My grace and peace. Open your heart and mind to receive all that I have for you. Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead,view it a s the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace....Remember that your relationship with Me is saturated in grace. Therefore, nothing that you do or don't do can separate you from My Presence." 

Steroids and sleep just don't mix...

It is 4:28 and all is well...except that I am UP at 4:28! So I figured I would be productive for a few minutes. Yesterday went as expected and I am 75% done the A/C portion of chemo! That is a big thankful thought. But the steroids they give me always keep me restless. They gave me Ativan while I was there yesterday and it helped tremendously with the 'jitters' and I slept 2 hours when I got home. Very sweet sleep. The reslessness was still there all evening but not jittery. More Ativan later, and I did sleep but not too long! Tired but not sleepy...ever been there? So, I caught up on my "Words with Friends" games going on, and make no excuses for some of the words.  It's 4 am!  :)  But, that was a nice diversion, and now I'm writing to you.

I'm okay...prepared for the next few days, and content with what they will be, although not always pleasant. You all help in that respect. Your notes, meals, messages, etc. help reflect the love you have for me and the love of the Lord...and it is significant in helping carry me through. I only hope I learn more to be like all of you, and remember this later to pass on the same kind of love and care so tenderly given.

"This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word."

Isaiah 66:2

Cultivate a spirit of humility today by doing a simple act of service and doing it anonymously. Folding towels for your roommate... cutting roses for the desk of a new employee... baking cookies for your co-workers... taking out trashcans for an elderly neighbor... scholarshiping a disabled kid to camp... giving a gift certificate to a working single mom... washing a car for a friend.

 As so often, this is from Joni's morning devotions. Simple little things like this can mean the world to someone and some variation of these have been done here. I am thankful when I have better days and can do something for my family or others for a change, since they serve me so well. It brightens my own day as I pray it will brighten theirs!

Thankful thoughts:

• Skull cap wigs - my sister showed up yesterday at chemo with her matching hat I got her. She had tried to fit a skin-looking skull cap wig under it to match my head! We were off to a laughing start.
• Boston Market creamed spinach - saved my stomach yesterday.
• A 3rd piece of chocolate - thank you, Marci! A fun way to mark time.
• A great first day for Kristen!
• A ride for her to and from work! Thank you, Kings.
• Rearranging our room - I got busy before I left yesterday and rearranged the sitting area where I am spending so much time. Simple pleasures, but it felt good. Now I can actually see out one of the windows!
• The kindness, patience and wisdom of the nurses...gave me some other practical tips on managing some side affects. And were so patient with all my questions that kept popping up!
• A delicious feast waiting when I got home, exhausted. What a gift. So many of them, I have lost count!
• A worker-bee husband who doesn't complain. Always ready with a therapeutic hug. After long workdays, comes home and caters to me when I need it. I don't know what I did to deserve him.

Well, I suppose I should try for a few more minutes of sleep, but it's been nice catching up with you. I am always humbled by your reading this, and I thank you!

Have a blessed day.

Andi  

Just a footnote...

Just a thought following up yesterday's verse...

I am sure this is nothing profound for many of you, but as many times as I have read the verse I posted yesterday, this never struck me until I was talking with someone about it today. "Not one sparrow will fall to the ground outside the Father's care"...He still allows the sparrow to fall. We are not spared difficult times. Yet, we are always in His tender care, no matter the circumstances. I just found a strange, simple comfort in that.

Thankful thoughts:

• 2 hour nap in my bed! It felt good to stretch out for a change.
• A meal from my precious Mom. SO yummy and speaks volumes of her love for me.
• A beautiful day.
• Pink hats!  :)
• The show, Parenthood...not much TV I love, but I love this and caught up on it today.
• Getting laundry all caught up...for today
• Baking cookies for Bob's roommates. Haven't done that in weeks!

So there you have it. I have been very thankful for a good day and will most likely have another good one tomorrow. Tuesday is my next treatment, and I don't look forward to it, but am already thankful for Ruth Ann for driving me and my sister staying with me! Kristen starts her new job on Tuesday, so there have been some adjustments, but I am SO proud and happy for her...growing up way too fast.

Have a blessed Monday...
Andi

Fewer hairs to count!

Matthew 10:29-31

²⁹ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. ³⁰ And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

My little bit of stubble is getting more and more sparse...still soft to the touch though! I don't know if the rest will come out or not, but it is no matter either way. Mom reminded me today of this verse and I thought I would share it with you. It takes on new meaning when you are so aware of your hair, or lack of it. We are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made! The Lord certainly has fewer hairs to track these days, but He counted every one as it fell out and knows how many will grow back! I take comfort in that...

Thankful thoughts:

• Buddy driving me around today
• Hothouse girls that are so kind and understanding...and take care of their own dishes!
• Getting the house back to normal..tree is gone! Sorta nice and sad at the same time.
• A lovely stranger who reached out at Walmart...could see I was 'hairless' under my hat and asked if I was battling cancer. She is a 5-year survivor of colon cancer. So lovely and so encouraging.
• Another day without meds.  :)
• The beautiful warm air today. Mmmmm...
• Morning coffee with the kids today. And it tasted pretty normal...end of the cycle, some things subside.
• Sleeping in a bit! First time in weeks.
• A puppy's head resting gently on my lap. She knows...

That's it for now. This weekend is a quiet one, with fewer side effects and I am thankful for the reprieve. Hope you are all enjoying this lovely weekend. Is it really January?!

God bless,

Andi

Thankful for days like this...

I had a busy day, not side-effect free, but definitely more functional than most. Kristen is starting a job! So, we ran around a bit today, getting her working papers in order and getting forms back to the store where she will be working. Squeeze in a doctor's visit to my favorite surgeon and lunch out with both Kristen and Bob in there somewhere, and that was my day from 8 this morning til around 4:30 when I finally got to sit in my comfy chair for a bit. I was exhausted, but so thankful that I had the energy (and the driver!) to accomplish all that. Next week is treatment 3, so I know I will be staying put quite a bit. 

Of course, 8 is not when I got up. Awake at 5:15ish again, and just can't seem to sleep later than that, so a nap felt great. This round of treatment has proven to be pretty much the same as last, with more fatigue and a couple of other side effects showing up or slightly worse than last time. I have started with some mouth sores, which aren't too bad yet and we will see. At least my family is spared my rambling for a while since it is tender to talk!  :)  All of them are still pretty manageable, and I am thankful for that. It is amazing what you can do when you have to and how you adapt! 

Thankful thoughts:

• Broccoli/Chicken/Rice soup - thank you, Carolyn!
• Accomplishing something for my dear youngest, instead of her doing something for me...which she did anyway!
• Playing games with the fam.
• A surgeon who makes me so comfortable and cared for.
• Lunch with my kids. Doesn't happen often enough.
• Warm naps
• Chatting with a neighbor today...way too long since that!

Again, something from Joni and Friends devotional this morning. Our Lord is never resting, never unaware of what is going on and what He has planned in our lives...

"He is a God of intention -- he has a purpose, a target, a goal, and a plan. God was a giant step ahead of Joseph's brothers, aborting their evil intentions to suit his own purposes. Joseph's problems did not catch God off guard, presenting him with situations he wished would never have happened. From the beginning, God calculated for Joseph to experience all these things. Why? For the salvation of others.

God is not a sweep-up boy who follows you with a dustpan and brush, second-guessing how everything will fit into a divine pattern for good. He does not put on a hazmat suit so that an evil situation doesn't contaminate his holy reputation.

Think of disappointing or bad things that have happened to you. God's hands stay on the wheel of your life from start to finish so that everything follows his intention for your life. This means your trials have more meaning -- much more -- than you realize. Your problems have more purpose than you can imagine. Not because God merely used bad things, but because God intended them so that others might be brought to Jesus through your example."

I hope this encourages you as it does me! God bless your night and your day tomorrow.  Christmas tree is coming down tomorrow, I hope. Always saddens me, but I love the clean house left behind!

Love you. Thank you for your faithful prayers.

Andi

Apparently, I'm cute again!

So, everyone who is seeing me almost 'hairless' is liking it! Actually, I told Bobby that I can see the appeal...it certainly is easy to get ready in the morning. AND I am LOVING hats...who knew?! Either way, the transition from haired to hairless is a less difficult process than I expected. Scalp is incredibly itchy though!

One of the things I have been blessed by is a discussion forum for cancer patients. All women with similar diagnoses - and we are in a safe place to ask questions, encourage each other, learn tricks to help with side affects, etc. They are all over the country and I will probably never meet them, but it has been a blessing to check in there, hear how they are doing and chat a bit. Technology never ceases to amaze me!

The last few days have been a mix...decent mornings, rougher afternoons.  Some nausea, but my eyes are bothering me and are very tired. Lots of little things that I kind of say, "Oh, another side effect...hmmm. Didn't see that coming." If it wasn't me dealing with this, I would probably find it fascinating! 

The other morning, in Joni's devotional, I found such encouragement. Always do, but some mornings are more fitting than others.  Here is an excerpt:

"We say to God, "If you don't mind, thank you for showing me where I am going. I don't need to see the whole road, but at least a little bit." We think our faith has to be supported by a bit of evidence. A hint, a signpost, a whisper... something to give us a clue as to what God is doing. We wrongly assume that faith is the ability to take a couple of puzzle pieces and be able to envision the entire picture. Not so. Faith that must be supported by the five senses is not genuine. Jesus said to doubting Thomas, "You have believed me because you have seen me, but blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."

Our insistence upon discerning what's up ahead is natural, but it is a hindrance to real faith. It's why God constantly encourages us to trust him in the dark (Isaiah 50:10). True faith means resting in who God is. He has charged himself with full responsibility for your eternal happiness and he stands ready to take over the management of your life. He is wise and good. Trust him with what's ahead."

I believe He ALLOWS things, like what I am dealing with, into our lives in this terribly fallen world we live in in order to draw us CLOSER to Himself. For us to serve each other, to need each other, and primarily to glorify Him in our circumstances. To teach us more about Himself. Even to teach us to wait. He promised us we would have trouble in this world. He also promised to never leave us or forsake us...and for that, I am so thankful. He never lets anything go to waste.

Thankful thoughts:

• Panera bread and a gift card...can't be beat! (Thank you, Kim!)
• A relatively easy doctor visit today.
• A day without anti-nausea meds. First in a while.
• Being able to work at church yesterday, and feel productive!
• Seeing my co-workers. I love them.
• A friendly companion, stepping in for Kristen today. Thank you, Deb Saint.
• A daughter who serves so well. Christmas decorations almost put away!
• Warm hats delivered from the north.  ;)   (You know who you are!)
• Coffee with Megan tomorrow morning! I've missed her this week!
• Delicious meals that are such a help.

I know this was a long one...sorry! Love you all dearly. So thankful for your time and effort in reading this and encouraging me is so many ways. You are a blessing to me!

Andi 

A little slower today...

Back to feeling good in the mornings and iffy in the afternoons, but that's okay. It really gives me a boost to know I have days like yesterday and even this morning to do some things around here so the load is not all on my family. But, by now, I'm just about done for the day...at least til after a nap! I have never quite felt fatigue like this before. It is a feeling that "I absolutely have to sit down now and rest." but that's okay. When I hear about what some other folks are going through, I am thankful that my side effects are relatively manageable.

Not much to share today. I've been listening alot to some old favorites, The Cathedrals, and my love for them comes directly from my dad. I think he knows every song they have ever done. I don't love Southern Gospel as a rule, but love a lot of this stuff! My first pick is their collection of hymns. The words below are from an old hymn and worth read. I aware of and thankful for His presence more than ever.

ABIDE WITH ME

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word;
But as You dwelt with Your disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,

But kind and good, with healing in Your wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea—
Come, friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.

I need Your presence every passing hour.
Nothing but Your grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Yourself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.


Thankful thoughts:

• Hot showers!
• Body butter on dry skin.
• Lucky Charms...I know, weird.
• Harmony - just love great harmony.
• The snow flurries this morning - and watching them from INSIDE!  :)

Have a blessed day.
Andi

Gotta love upswing day!

Happy January 2nd, everyone! I feel like I am coming out of a fog today...days 5 and 6 are definitely my hardest, but then day 7 seems to be the 'upswing'.  I still feel a little nauseous off and on and tired, but not the defeated, 'can't do anything at all' feeling. Got out to Walmart all alone, (had help with the heavy stuff), went to Sheetz, came home and started some stew. Had a lovely surprise visit from some camp friends and it was a treat! Then, rested, napped and still feel pretty good. It helps to know that there are days like this in between treatments. There will still be some down days this week, but more 'semi-normal' ones, too.

Speaking of normal, I received a letter from a friend of mine. It's an interesting friendship, having been formed through "Angel Tree" ministries around 20 years ago. Briefly, Angel Tree is a ministry that helps those in prison give their children at home a 'Christmas' on their behalf. 20+ years ago, we did that at our church in NJ. I wrote to tell the mom in prison what we did and she wrote back, asking if we could be penpals. What a blessing this relationship has been! I have met her 2 or 3 times, but she is still incarcerated. She is also an incredible example of patience and faith under fire. (She became a believer about 3 weeks after her arrest) Such difficult circumstances...I can't begin to tell you. SHE is worried about ME, wishing she could help me, wishing she could do more than pray for my current circumstances! SHE is offering me Scripture and encouragement to make it through. Talk about humbling! Anyway, in my response to her, I was letting her know I'm fine, etc. and have every hope of being absolutely fine. "Normal" is the word I used, and then I thought...I want to be healthy, yes. Normal? With all the Lord is teaching me, I would like to never be 'normal' again.

Thankful thoughts:

• Energy to do more today.
• Nail decals  :)
• Doing some things to serve my family for a change.
• Friends for my kids.
• Visits from precious people. I love the Laconis family.
• Funny cards!

I hope and pray you  are already finding things in this New Year for which to be thankful! They're there...

God bless,
Andi

Psalm 71:14-16

 ¹⁴ But I will keep on hoping for your help; I will praise you more and more.
¹⁵ I will tell everyone about your righteousness. All day long I will proclaim your saving power, though I am not skilled with words.
¹⁶ I will praise your mighty deeds, O Sovereign Lord. I will tell everyone that you alone are just.

Footnotes:

1. Psalm 71:15 Or though I cannot count it.