Just another day of waiting...

Good morning. A short night, thanks to steroids. I took a short nap when I got home yesterday since they gave me benadryl during treatment, but by 11pm, I was somewhat wide awake. Typical first night! I've learned to give in to it and putter until I'm sleepy, then snuggle up in my chair and pray/read/rest until I can fall asleep. It was around 1 last night, then awake at 4:30.


Today, I have the pleasure of a longer morning with the girls - Megan doesn't need to go into work until noon, so we can catch up some. Then, I have a couple of friends coming to visit from quite a distance before they go see family. I'm looking forward to catching up with them as well!  They are fully aware that I get tired and they are easy friends to be with.


"God's thumbnail" got bigger last night...anyone see it? That's what we've always called the sliver of moon that starts to show since it looks like a fingernail. Just a little trivia...


This morning, from Jesus "Calling"

"Stop trying to work things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's duties. when you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything, and everything in its time...Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world. I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have Peace."

John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jesus had just finished talking about how the disciples will no longer see Him. They didn't understand until He spoke more clearly, which He did. He reassured them that they would not see Him but have the Holy Spirit, that God loved them because they loved His Son.  He didn't placate them and made it very clear there would be trouble HERE, but that ultimately they had the power of the Holy Spirit and the promise of heaven and being with Him. 


Thankful thoughts:

• My cleaning angels!! Thank you so much for such a fresh homecoming for me yesterday and a load off our plates with company coming. SUCH a blessing!
• Ringing the bell yesterday as my 'graduation' from chemo!
• Certain songs that just get me every time
• Connections with new friends. 
• Meals from friends. They have proven to be a greater gift than I could have ever hoped for. 
• The coming moonlight at night. It is a comfort when I can't sleep. Hope it's not too cloudy when it comes!

Have a blessed day.
Andi

LAST DAY!

Sitting here, for my last infusion! Got a late start this morning and the treatment room is packed today. Some of the loveliest people here. The nurses are chosen well...professional, warm, funny, charming...like there is nothing going on that is out of the ordinary. They are just precious.


This is bittersweet. SO thankful that this is the last one. Also aware that I still have a couple of weeks of getting through the side effects. I've never been beyond the 2 weeks after a treatment, so we will see how long things hang around. Of course, I'm told it varies from person to person! So...we wait. Where have I heard that before!


I am so thankful that my daffodils didn't end early with the cold night a few days ago. The hyacinths took a hit and are a bit droopy, though. I have been admiring the flowers the last few days and so thankful for their simple beauty. I saw a particularly beautiful, larger bunch of daffodils at one point and noticed something. They all had their 'heads' up, pointing directly and even leaning slightly toward the rays of the warming sun. I think it's pretty amazing how the Lord designed that. Throughout the day, they move - always reaching and leaning towards the sun, heads up no matter what. (Yes, I see a spiritual analogy forming!) We need to be doing the same. Fix our eyes on Jesus (not literally, obviously, but through His work and word in our lives). Lean toward Him, eager to soak Him in, reflect Him, grow under His tender-loving care as we remain ever-thankful for all He accomplished on the cross for our sake! If we believe in Him and what He did for us, then our salvation is secure. He is the one that does the saving! He should also be forever the 'horizon' on which we focus. If we can do that, then we will have fewer distractions. Daffodils have few purposes - to bloom, soak up the sun, grow their roots deep, multiply and look stunning!- and they glorify their Creator in doing so. May I have the same goals!  Bloom wherever the Lord has me, soak up the Son, grow my roots deep in His word and multiply by testifying to His goodness and grace however possible. The stunning part? I'll wait til my hair grows back to claim that!

Romans 15:4-6

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thankful thoughts:

• Daffodils and all they have to teach me!
• Safe travels for my sister - but she's too far away right now (in Turkey)
• My mom - for driving me today
• My husband - for joining me for lunch
• My sister-in-law - for getting me home today!
• The moon is coming around...I love that. Saw "God's thumbnail" last night and look forward to the ever-increasing moonlight

May we all eagerly lean toward our Savior today, soaking up all He has to give us. May I reflect Him well, even as I move forward to another part of this journey. Pray that I weather the next 2 weeks of side effects with grace.

Have a blessed day!

Andi

The week I've been waiting for...

Hey, everyone. So, this is the week of the last treatment! Thursday, I go for my last chemo (as long as my bloodwork is okay, but it has been, so...). That is not the end of the journey, but certainly the end of a big part of it. More importantly, tomorrow is the end/beginning of another journey!  Kristen goes to get her license. My youngest, my baby, the last...kind of bittersweet and exciting all at the same time. If you're a parent, you understand that feeling of letting them go but loving every minute of watching them learn and grow at the same time. I'm thankful that I can enjoy tomorrow (we pretty much expect her to pass...she's been doing great.) without chemo, even though it was a little disappointing to have my appointment made Thursday instead of the typical Tuesday. We will celebrate by doing some shopping for clothes for her upcoming trip to China (with Joni and Friends 'Wheels for the World'!!).


The verse that has been rolling around in my mind is the following:

Hebrews 12:1b-3

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I'm not gonna lie...I'm getting weary. And am very thankful that this part of the race is almost over. The race spoken about in the verses, I believe, is the whole of the Christian life until we are taken home to heaven. Learning to be more like the Lord, serving Him well, conquering sin in our lives by His grace...so many aspects, all a part of our sanctification. THIS race of mine is a reflection of all those things. They are not mutually exclusive. I don't sit and listen to a sermon and then turn and deal with breast cancer. Our faith and our circumstances need to be interwoven. That's reality. The Lord wants us to keep our eyes on Him and run our race in the midst of our circumstances, using them to trust Him and learn. Anyone in any race gets tired (right?  I'm not very athletic, so I defer to those of you in better shape than I!), discouraged, etc. I'm not discouraged, but weary and looking ahead to the next stage - some rest and then radiation. More unknowns and more waiting ahead. Getting pretty good at that part!


Thankful thoughts:

• Sunshine today, after a dreary weekend!
• The beauty of spring flowers 
• Unexpected company last night - water on thirsty ground! 
• Several lovely visits with dear ones over the weekend
• Pleasing my niece/nephews with 'Aunt Andi' cookies on Saturday

Have a blessed day - keeping our eyes 'fixed' on Jesus...
Andi

Patience is often JUST out of reach!

Good morning, all. Overall, I have been doing just fine with patience and waiting and being content and all that...but the last few days I have been more restless. Leg pain and some neuropathy in my feet have been a little longer lasting, and with the weather being so amazing, I have wanted to do more (in my mind) but unable to (in my body).  I have gotten some things done, and it feels good. But, I have also realized how my attitude toward my day is so geared by what is accomplished. Buddy will come home, and ask me "How was your day?" and my answer is often a list of what I was able to get done, dictating whether it was a 'good' or 'bad' day. It's not a bad thing to accomplish things and I look forward to more productive days...don't get me wrong! But, I want to be aware that 'productive' may mean something completely different, especially to the Lord - particularly these days.

I Corinthians 6:19,20 

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Bought with the precious blood of our Savior, Jesus...trying to honor Him with this body, such as it is!

Thankful thoughts:

• Visits and coffee with some wonderful friends...thanks for planning it!
• My wonderful husband...increasingly thankful for him and all he juggles, even if he can't keep himself from making comments and jokes! Makes me laugh every day.
• Yellow - such a happy color!  Daffodils, forsythia, tulips...just LOVELY and great early spring surprise!
• Eating on the deck.
• Reading on the deck.
• Watching birds from the deck.
• Grilling on the deck.
• I like my deck  :D

From Jesus Calling yesterday:

The Light of My Presence is shining upon you, in benedictions of Peace. Let My Light shine in you; don't dim it with worries or fears...pause before responding to people or situations, giving My Spirit space to act through you. Hasty words and actions leave no room for Me; this is atheistic living. I want to inhabit all your moments - gracing your thoughts, words and behaviour.

Grace my words and actions today, Lord.
Have a wonderful day, all.
Andi

So it begins...

Day 3...the day my little potpourri of side effects begins to reach its peak until it subsides by Sunday/Monday.  So, I am thankful for the heating pad for my knees, ice water for my sore throat and other odds and ends that help me through the next few days. And so thankful for the help around here, the meals and the support. There are so many things going on around and outside of me - others who are ill (and in harder circumstances than I), those who have lost loved ones, painful situations everywhere - and it drives me to my knees (figuratively!) in prayer, not doubting the Lord's sovereignty but still aching for many that I love.

How do you understand some of the things that come into our lives? I don't always know. And this may not be the place to start a discourse on it. I'm not sure I trust my 'chemobrain' to make sense! But I do know the Lord has our overall best interests at heart. Whatever it takes for Him to be glorified, in His plan, is what it takes. And we will understand someday. He longs for us to turn TO Him, not AWAY from Him in tough situations. He longs to help us make sense of the things that come our way.

From Jesus Calling, 3/14

Learn to live above your circumstances. This requires focused time with Me, the One who overcame the world. Trouble and distress are woven into th every fabric of this perishing world. Only My Life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems with good cheer...Rest in My Presence, receiving Joy that no one can take away from you.

Thankful thoughts:

• Grilled chicken and salad...thank you ladies!
• Vanilla candles
• Sitting on the back deck in the fresh air
• Tulips - have white, yellow, pink, and purple in various spots in my house. Thank you, Deborah, Suzanne and others!

I pray you have a restful night. If you don't know the peace that comes from knowing Jesus, in the midst of tough times, get to know Him. It's nothing magical, problems don't go away...but they become manageable when you have the King of Kings helping you carry them. Best of all, we have the promise and hope of heaven!

Love to you all.
Andi

Next to last one, just days away...

Got my bloodwork drawn this morning to check things out before next Tuesday and now wait til Monday for the results. Still itching off and on, but not quite as bad as yesterday...or I'm just better at resisting the urge to scratch! It was cold but beautiful today and I was able to get a few things done. Never as much as my mind thinks I can accomplish in the morning, but it will still be there when I get stronger...hmmmm.

The silliest thing has bothered me since I am spending so much more time in my chair these last few months than I usually do.  You know how when you slow down long enough to REALLY look around, you realize how long it has been since some things have gotten done? Well, the globes on the lights on the ceiling fans in our bedroom have been bothering me for weeks and weeks!  Ridiculous, I know, but SO DIRTY!  Buddy was wonderful enough to get the ladder to handle one of them. I was able to do the other, and in about 15-20 minutes, they're gleaming!  Simple pleasures that didn't take that long but bring satisfaction.

The other nit-picky thing, and it was entirely my fault, was that certain curtains in our room are apparently slightly different lengths (by about an inch or so...got them all in pairs, same store, same time...). Well, they are now shaken out (not getting washed and ironed this year!) and rearranged so they are all with the right pairs. I guess the last time I took care of them, I didn't pay attention.  Sitting here, it was frustrating me! 

So, now I can relax and enjoy the globes and the curtains while recouping next week. And finish today with the knowledge that I was able to have the energy to accomplish something other than resting.

Speaking of resting...JESUS CALLING from yesterday started out with...

REST in My radiant presence. The world around you seems to spin faster and faster, till everything is a blur.Yet there is a cushion of calm at the center of your life, where you live in union with Me.....the world is a needy place. Don't go there for sustenance. Instead, come to Me.

Good words, good reminders.

I John 4:9, 10

"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

Thankful thoughts:

• Clean ceiling fans and even curtains!
• A cardinal that lingered this morning. Beautiful.
• A quiet house that has been mostly mine today. Peaceful.
• Saturday coffee and Megan's stories. Oh, how I love to hear her chatter!
• White lights...we keep some up all year on our mantel and they cheer me up.
• Salad. Hasn't tasted good in a long time, and now it does again!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, whether you are playing, working, resting, worshipping...thank you for your love and support in so many things.

Andi

Caution: More waiting ahead

 

Good morning on this glorious 'almost spring-like' day!  I can't get enough of deep breathing right now, with this clear, beautiful day. I hope it will be warm enough to sit out on our deck later. Maybe wrapped up in a blanket?

I'll be honest..though I am doing well on most things, the last week has been tough. And not quite the relief I was hoping for this week. But, that is all part of it. I am back in a stage of waiting...to see what each day brings, to see if my frequent itching will stop, if I will have energy or not, if my white blood cell count is staying strong...and that's okay. It's just getting old, even though I know I am closer to the end than before. I think, overall, this has been a bigger 'project' than anticipated. I received an email this morning from a new friend in Africa (introduced through email by my nephew, Cliff) and it was so encouraging...I have posted it as it came to me. It is humbling and precious to know that I have brothers and sisters in Africa praying for me, especially when their day to day living is much more challenging than mine.

Dear Aunt andi

receive our love from here ,

how are you today? THE JOY OF THE LORD IS OUR STRENGTH. WE ARE STILL

PRAYING FOR U.

Your creator is still in the seat and therefore fear no evil.

george

 

I love that he reminded me that my Creator is still in the seat...honestly, I don't know that I have a lot of fear.  I did in the beginning and at the time of surgery, but not now. I've seen Him working too much to have fear. Many folks that I have spoken to are apparently filled with fear at every twinge or unusual something going on and imagine the worst. I don't really go there. But, it was such a good reminder to stay strong and not grow weary. Perfect timing, as always...

Psalm 62:5

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.

Lamentations 3:25

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him

Isaiah 40:31

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

 

 

I can't yet imagine a day that I will not feel weary or wobbly or whatever, but I look forward to it!

 

Thankful thoughts:

• The moon last night...spectacular!  Saw it around 3 am.  Looking forward to seeing it again tonight! And tomorrow is when it will be 'full'...hope it's clear!
• Good report for Bobby from doctor...thought he had a hernia, but no.
• Crisp, cool air
• Playing games as a family. Bobby always pushes to do it when he is home and it is always fun!
• Feeling well enough to help out in the church office this morning...so good to be sitting at this desk.  :)
• Hyacinths and daffodils coming up - it may be early and I pray they survive, but I love the hope and newness that Spring brings.

Have a blessed day. Thanks for taking the time and energy to read this. I value energy these days!

Andi

Got to ride a cart today!

Yay for Walmart carts! I was able to get one today, and scooted around with Kristen. So thankful for it, since this is one of my leg/joint pain days. I couldn't have made it around the store - and this will fade by Sunday or Monday, but it sure is uncomfortable. Now, I sit here with a heating pad on my knees and another heat wrap on my feet (thank you, Teresa A!)...just picture it!  Hot flashes too...I'm just a picnic to be around at the moment!

Overall, doing okay otherwise. These are the few hardest days, and I am continually thankful for the freedom to do what I need to do to rest and be okay. Can't say I'll miss the side effects, once they're gone though!

Jesus Calling, yesterday...

'When somethng in your life or thoughts makes you anxious, come to Me and talk about it. Well-developed trust will bring you many blessings, not the least of which is My Peace...My Peace is such an all-encompassing gift that is independent of all circumstances. Though you lose everything else, if you gain My Peace you are rich indeed.'

I have found this to be true. In the midst of pain or nausea or questions, I do have this underlying sense of peace in what He has planned. May not enjoy the moment, butAs always, this is not from me...couldn't be, cause I would be more panicked, given the circumstances of life right now.

Thankful thoughts:

• Watching Steve Estes and Matt Carter serenade Kristen today. Don't ask. Just picture it (if you know them) and it was funny!
• Heating pads and hot tea and heat wraps...compazine, benadryl, and other stuff...see a theme?
• My dad's good report from the doc yesterday
• Safe travels for Padge and Kara
• Kristen's driving ability and willingness to do so...she's great! Not to mention letting me use her arm, and shortening her strides to match my unsteady ones today.
• My first sip of coffee was SO good this morning...and so was coffee time with Megs.
• Bobby coming home today!

As you can see, many things for which to be thankful in the midst of a storm. I pray that you can find things every day that bring you joy and remind you of our Father's great mercy and grace. So many things He does every day...just for you!