It's been a while...

Hey everyone. So, you can be assured I am doing better since I have not been on here for quite a while. And I am doing better. Not 100% yet, but getting better bit by bit. I'm finding myself processing a lot emotionally, more than I was earlier. Whether that's a natural thing or just a matter of having the time to process things, I don't know...I'm told that a lot of ladies do this! Overall, I am continuing to feel so thankful for my doctors, and extremely thankful that my main treatments are over. I have to guard against feeling that just because it's over doesn't mean that I'm back to normal. I am dealing with some radiation burns (apparently, they continue to accelerate in reaction for a week or two before they begin to heal - who knew?!). And there are some lingering chemo side effects. They may be more permanent, but time will tell. Over and over again, I am reminded of just how long this journey is.  Step by step...


I think because so much effort is put into getting through surgery, and especially chemo, that there is a letdown when it is all done. Radiation was definitely easier, but not without its own issues. Whether one is trying to 'put on a brave front', or just needs to cope with side effects, getting through things is just doing the next right thing. Once that concentration is over, many folks get fearful of a recurrence. I honestly haven't gone there at all, but definitely see the letdown factor...such relief, but a bit of a loss of what has identified you for so many months. And I'm not done - healing will take months, and doctor visits continue forever!  Seems like it, anyway. Thankfully, my identity is not about this. This has been a phase of life, and will continue to color my days for quite some time. But, the Lord has been faithful, reminding me where I am truly grounded.


One of my current favorites:


You Deliver Me by Selah


Deep as the ocean, right as rain
This powerful emotion lifts me up above the plain
It's taken me to places I never thought I'd go
Showing me a grace I never thought I'd know

When I feel like I can't go on, You deliver me
When the road is winding and way too long
You deliver me, You deliver me

I feel like a sinner, my sins have been washed clean
An absolute beginner whose heart has never seen
I must be forgiven sometimes asking why
I was chosen to be given you in this life

When there's a distance
Between what I am and who I want to be
You deliver me




Just a beautiful song, and I have often felt like I'm on a winding road that is way too long. I know many of you have longer roads than I. He knows and He is walking it with you, too.

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God. My hope comes from Him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

I wonder how many times I have repeated myself!? Hopefully, not noticeably often, for your sakes...I just find myself going back to some of the same verses that offer strength and encouragement. Getting used to a new 'normal' is not always easy. But, it is possible!


Thankful thoughts:

• Wind chimes...ladies, you know who you are who gifted me with them on my 'bell-ringing' day. I smile every day.
• People willing to put lotion on my back - even when it's not their favorite thing to do and they don't like greasy fingers.  :)
• Cool evening/sleeping weather
• Finch eggs - every year, they next in one of our hanging baskets on the front porch. 4 eggs so far.
• My very soft, fuzzy hair growing in!
• Medicine to help burns heal
• Tube tops! I found one at Walmart! It is a makeshift bandage to hold medicine and pads in place to cover my healing burns. Bright pink too! Haven't worn one in YEARS...and won't any time soon when I am better!

Have a blessed evening, what's left of it. I am heading to bed and pray that you sleep deeply and well. It is so healing to do that!

Andi