Just another day...

What a spectacular day it was. I LOVED the sleeping weather last night, especially since I don't really sleep well and was able to enjoy the cool breeze and actually snuggling under the covers, reading. Hot flashes didn't bother me last night! And the chimes that were gifted to me sounded beautiful in the breeze. I may go to bed by 9ish, but don't sleep til closer to 11 or 12. Still wake up several times a night too. Oh well. It's all a process, getting back to a new normal.

Not much new on many fronts. I miss Kristen, since she is still at camp, but will get to visit again this Thursday. A long day, but so worthwhile. Just spending some of my time getting caught up on odds and ends, starting to plan for school next year, actually keeping up with dead-heading plants for a change...some days with a very nice pace to them. I don't do well when I have a day that is too fast-paced.

I found a new Selah album and am enjoying it. Here are the lyrics to one of the songs, and they certainly mean a great deal to me right now.

He'll hold you

Storms may come, Storms may go

The pain may linger like melting snow

The wind may toss you to and fro

But he'll hold you through it all

He'll hold you

When the tempest rages all around

He'll hold you

Plant your feet on solid ground

He'll hold you

When the waves come crashing down

He'll hold you through it all

Hard time will come, rain will pour

You can't see the road anymore

You heart’s been washed up upon life's shore

But He'll hold you through it all

When you're fallin', hear Him callin'

He will come in the midst of your storm

Just hold on tight with all your might

He will hold you through it all

I would say that I am doing very well overall, but still go through discouraging times when I wonder if I'll be my old self again. Not needing naps, having my feet feel fine, and my balance back. But I know it is timing, and can't really imagine coming out of this last year completely unaffected. Many of the ways I have been affected are positive - deeper trust in the Lord, more focused on important things, appreciation of small things, learning to pace myself and let other things go...

Thankful thoughts:

• Cool sleeping weather!
• Steaks on the grill
• Unhurried time at home
• Visiting camp - not the same as being there, but better than nothing.
• A good report from my Plastic Surgeon. He thinks my skin looks amazing! Yay!
• All the folks who make camp such an amazing place every year - I know it's not perfect, but it is indeed precious
• Having things done to relax for the evening
• Having Buddy finished with his Mom's house...he and Tina have done so very much and it is over...

I pray you all have a good night's sleep and a great day tomorrow. Just heard from Kristen and she is doing well. So glad she loves it up there. I know the days will end when our kids are not home anymore, so I am enjoying every moment...I so enjoy having Megan still home. She is such a joy and a bright spot. It's been great having Bob home, and a mile away for work this summer, so he comes home every day for lunch! Hardly see Kristen right now, but she's where she needs to be. We will catch up with her in July! So many things I find for which to be thankful. 

God bless...

Andi

The gift of song...

Well, this morning, I was able to help sing for worship at church for the first time in almost a year. I was exhausted, but it felt good to sing again! Nothing fancy, no solos, just singing harmony and melody, depending on the song. I love to sing, and love to worship with Matt Griffith and the crew he usually asks. What a blessing. It was fun, encouraging and something else that is being restored from this past year. I don't know how often I will be able to do this, but it was a good thing. I am thankful. 


Buddy is feeling much better, thinks he never had Lyme's and is having to listen to me nag him to be careful and persistent. Another friend from church snagged him this morning who is a physician that helps a lot of folks with Lyme's, and discussed things with him. It's hard when you get a false negative, and you feel a ton better! He will probably pursue another blood test this friend suggested that can show the reality earlier than other blood tests. Tricky thing, Lyme's is...


Thankful thoughts:

• The recent lack of humidity the past few days
• Naps, especially when nighttime sleep eludes me
• Rosebushes
• A day-visit to Joni camp. better than nothing! And I get to go again this week!
• Scrambled eggs made by my son. Yumminess.  :)
• Reading. One of my favorite pastimes

This is my prayer for you...it is one of my favorite passages, and holds so many things that I wish for you.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

As far as my situation...my radiation burns are healing very well. Still itchy, but mostly faded. I need to stay out of the sun since that skin is too sensitive for sunscreen. That's okay..heat is not my friend right now anyway! Be praying for my feet. They continue to be an issue, and I am pursuing some other options to help them. We will see...


Have a blessed week. Enjoy the cooler weather this week!
Andi

Life continues to be interesting...

Well, another eventful weekend in our household. In my almost-30 years of marriage to this wonderful man, Buddy, I have only seen him VERY sick about 3-4 times. Borderline pneumonia years ago, appendicitis, and this weekend. We are waiting on results and think that he may have Lyme's disease, but won't know til bloodwork comes back. He was so sick though, that we got him to an ER on Saturday night, due to dehydration and a headache that was excruciating for him...couldn't keep anything down to help with that. Sunday started showing some improvement and he slept most of the day away. And he took his first sick day today in 10 years-ish! It was a pleasure to serve him and drive him to the ER, but I am certainly worn out today! It was worth it, and glad to do something for him for a change...very thankful he is showing some improvement and resting today (although, while I was gone this morning, he cleaned up the family room and kitchen..even scrubbed my stovetop! Now he is cleaning up around the pool. THEN, he intends to take a nap and read the paper! He does NOT sit still easily!)


This song has been repeating in my heart and mind lately. I have no choice but to rest in His everlasting arms...

O Wondrous Love
O wondrous love that will not let me go
I cling to You with all my strength and soul
Yet if my hold should ever fail
This wondrous love will never let me go

O wondrous love that’s come to dwell in me
Lord who am I that I should come to know
Your tender voice assuring me
This wondrous love will never let me go

CHORUS
I’m resting in the everlasting arms
In the ever faithful heart
The Shepherd of my life
You’ll carry me on Your mighty wings of grace
Keeping me until the day
I look into Your eyes

O wondrous love that sings of Calvary
The sweetest sound this sinner’s ever known
The song of Your redeeming Son
Whose wondrous love will never let me go

O wondrous love that rushes over me
I can’t escape this river’s glorious flow
You overwhelm my days with good
Your wondrous love will never let me go

Another thing this weekend - I said goodbye and God bless to our team from church that heads to the Spruce Lake Retreat center for Joni and Friends family retreats...first time in 8 years I have not been able to go, and my heart just aches. I have NO doubt the Lord will do wonderful things, and I know He works VERY well without me! He doesn't need me, but has allowed me to serve there, and I don't like missing it! Purely selfish motives, and I pray that those serving in my stead will be a blessing and be blessed as well. Such a wonderful place, and I have been thankful for it over the years on many levels. Just another evidence that He has a different schedule than I do, and I know His timing is perfect. That being said...I still don't like being home when I know camp is happening!

In that light, please read the following form Jesus Calling this morning:

You are my beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you. Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment.  Your hope and future are rooted in heaven, where eternal ecstasy awaits you. Nothing can rob you of your inheritance of unimaginable riches and well-being. Sometimes I grant you glimpses of your glorious future, to encourage you and spur you on. But your main focus should be staying close to Me. I set the pace in keeping with your needs and My purposes.

Joni and Friends Retreats are some of the glimpses He gives me...it is a little piece of heaven here on earth...not perfect, but pretty close!

Thankful thoughts:

• My rose bush. Planted last year, beautiful this year!
• The strength to help Buddy this weekend
• Cool nights for sleeping
• A faithful puppy keeping my toes warm
• All the ladies serving on the front porch at camp as I type. Miss them, and so thankful for them!
• People telling me they loved my baldness and like the cropped hair I have so far!

One verse that has struck me recently:

Proverbs 16:9

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.

I'm thankful for a heavenly Father who knows what He is doing. We make plans, but He is he one directing. So much wiser than I. May I be established in Him, sensitive to the steps He wants me to take.

This picture was taken on my last day of radiation treatment.  I have more hair by now! Have a blessed day.

Andi

It's been a while...

Hey everyone. So, you can be assured I am doing better since I have not been on here for quite a while. And I am doing better. Not 100% yet, but getting better bit by bit. I'm finding myself processing a lot emotionally, more than I was earlier. Whether that's a natural thing or just a matter of having the time to process things, I don't know...I'm told that a lot of ladies do this! Overall, I am continuing to feel so thankful for my doctors, and extremely thankful that my main treatments are over. I have to guard against feeling that just because it's over doesn't mean that I'm back to normal. I am dealing with some radiation burns (apparently, they continue to accelerate in reaction for a week or two before they begin to heal - who knew?!). And there are some lingering chemo side effects. They may be more permanent, but time will tell. Over and over again, I am reminded of just how long this journey is.  Step by step...


I think because so much effort is put into getting through surgery, and especially chemo, that there is a letdown when it is all done. Radiation was definitely easier, but not without its own issues. Whether one is trying to 'put on a brave front', or just needs to cope with side effects, getting through things is just doing the next right thing. Once that concentration is over, many folks get fearful of a recurrence. I honestly haven't gone there at all, but definitely see the letdown factor...such relief, but a bit of a loss of what has identified you for so many months. And I'm not done - healing will take months, and doctor visits continue forever!  Seems like it, anyway. Thankfully, my identity is not about this. This has been a phase of life, and will continue to color my days for quite some time. But, the Lord has been faithful, reminding me where I am truly grounded.


One of my current favorites:


You Deliver Me by Selah


Deep as the ocean, right as rain
This powerful emotion lifts me up above the plain
It's taken me to places I never thought I'd go
Showing me a grace I never thought I'd know

When I feel like I can't go on, You deliver me
When the road is winding and way too long
You deliver me, You deliver me

I feel like a sinner, my sins have been washed clean
An absolute beginner whose heart has never seen
I must be forgiven sometimes asking why
I was chosen to be given you in this life

When there's a distance
Between what I am and who I want to be
You deliver me




Just a beautiful song, and I have often felt like I'm on a winding road that is way too long. I know many of you have longer roads than I. He knows and He is walking it with you, too.

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God. My hope comes from Him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

I wonder how many times I have repeated myself!? Hopefully, not noticeably often, for your sakes...I just find myself going back to some of the same verses that offer strength and encouragement. Getting used to a new 'normal' is not always easy. But, it is possible!


Thankful thoughts:

• Wind chimes...ladies, you know who you are who gifted me with them on my 'bell-ringing' day. I smile every day.
• People willing to put lotion on my back - even when it's not their favorite thing to do and they don't like greasy fingers.  :)
• Cool evening/sleeping weather
• Finch eggs - every year, they next in one of our hanging baskets on the front porch. 4 eggs so far.
• My very soft, fuzzy hair growing in!
• Medicine to help burns heal
• Tube tops! I found one at Walmart! It is a makeshift bandage to hold medicine and pads in place to cover my healing burns. Bright pink too! Haven't worn one in YEARS...and won't any time soon when I am better!

Have a blessed evening, what's left of it. I am heading to bed and pray that you sleep deeply and well. It is so healing to do that!

Andi