Next leg of the journey...

Life is certainly busier, and I apologize that I have not had the energy to keep up with everyone. I am thankful to be gaining more energy, yet still battling some side effects. When anyone asks me how I am feeling, I respond by saying, "Every day further away from chemo is a good day!" I am waiting, as usual, to see if any of the side effects remain permanent. I know the hair will come, but secretly wonder if I will that rare case where hair loss is permanent! I still have neuropathy in my feet, though it continues to dwindle. Some days better than others. I have also developed something called costochondritis, an inflammation of the cartilage in my ribcage, due to the tissue expanders that are there for reconstructive surgery (sometime in the fall). It is very uncomfortable, and makes it tough to lift, cough, drive, sneeze, etc. Hopefully, it will be minimized in a few days. It will be a long summer if it doesn't fade! 


Radiation starts tomorrow, and I will be even more familiar with Rt. 401 to Paoli! 5 days a week for 6 weeks, 10 am - that will find me having my treatment for about  15 minutes. Buddy is going with me for the first day, and we will see after that. 


Our co-op play was this past weekend and it was WONDERFUL!  So thankful for all involved, and so proud of the kids who did such a great job bringing the play to life. I couldn't be involved as I usually am, so I had the pleasure of watching more of the performances than usual, but I missed being as involved. So many made it possible for me to have a break. Autumn Jackins was costume lady this year, for her senior year, and hair lady too! And the lead character! Amazing young lady...so many amazing kids and adults. Such an honor to be a part of that group year after year. The Lord truly honors the hard work put in every year. We were the home of choice for doing makeup and hair (since we homeschool, we don't have access to the school whose stage we use until 4 pm...too late to start!). So, while I was at Paoli for 3 different appointments on Friday, all the kids were in and out of my house!  It's a good thing they're such great kids!

From Jesus Calling, 4/25

...The only way to keep your balance is to fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes. If you gaze too long at your circumstances, you will become dizzy and confused. Look to Me, refreshing yourself in My Presence, and your steps will be steady and sure.

In light of my current instability with the neuropathy, this particular entry hit close to home! I know this is talking about spiritual stability, but I often need to re-focus my heart as well as my feet when I am having a bad day. So thankful for this reminder of His constancy. It has been so good to be done with chemo, but am often reminded of the still-long-road ahead. Keeping things in perspective, I know that I have much for which to be thankful...

Hebrews 12:1-3 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Psalm 102:27

But you remain the same,   and your years will never end. 

Thankful thoughts:

• The promise of the coming blooms - iris, lilac, peonies - just SO close!
• The hugs received are so sweet - they often bring tears to my eyes. I am so thankful for the wealth of friends the Lord has provided
• My husband - so patient and helpful
• Kristen - got her license!   :)
• A Lord Who understands, when no one else does. I truly know He is near me every step of the way.

Thank you for your continued prayers. And for asking about my blog...I will try to keep up! Love you all dearly.
Andi

Feeling the weight of the journey...

It's been awhile, I know, and I am sorry.  I have been slowly getting back into life, and find that post-chemo is better than being in the middle of it, but not without its issues either!  Side effects are definitely slowing down, but I still have some neuropathy in my hands and feet, with frequent 'shocks' down my arms and legs. The shocks aren't painful but distracting. My feet, however, hurt more than I expected and there is some swelling. I will be calling the doctor tomorrow about that since it is a more recent development. I guess what I mean by the title of this entry is that I am realizing that the journey is longer than I expected, and there is much more learning and waiting ahead. Radiation starts in a couple weeks, and after that, I begin a daily pill that I believe I will be on potentially for 5 years! It has its own set of side effects that I wasn't aware of but that your body adapts to. Plus the thought of genetic counseling that I think I mentioned before...just all longer than I expected.


It has felt good to be back to more normal things on most days, and overall, I am much better. Just want to hurry it along! But I can't. My surgeon was the first actual physician that told me it would be up to 6 months before I felt like myself...that is what I have heard from those that experience it, but not always what I have heard from my docs since it is so different for everyone. So...we will see what this body does!


Today's "Jesus Calling" was perfect, as it so often is:

Trust Me, and don't be afraid. Many things feel out of control. Your routines are not running smoothly. You tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable. Let me lead you to the rock that is higher than you and your circumstances. take refuge in the shelter of My wings, where you are absolutely secure.

I needed to be reminded that I am safe and secure, certainly NOT because of my circumstances, but because HE who saved me is so much bigger than anything I deal with.

Isaiah 12:2

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense, he has become my salvation.”

Psalm 61:2-4

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

Thankful thoughts:

• Flowers from distant friends to celebrate my end of chemo.  They are beautiful!
• Warm weather - quite a treat!
• A very devoted puppy...goes wherever I go and sits at my feet whenever I let her. A good little protector.
• Wonderful high school kids in our co-op...some were here on Friday and just fun to have around. Have always loved high school kids...
• Diet White Tea Peach...goes down easy and so refreshing! I love water, but it's nice to have something different once in a while!

Have a blessed week. I have 2 doctor appts this week, Wednesday and Friday. NOTHING next week!  Yay!


Andi

Starting day 6...

I am now on day 6 after my last treatment and you may wonder why I count by days. The side effects are pretty predictable...showing up on certain days, and this round has been no different. The Friday (day after) right after treatment wasn't too bad, and I enjoyed a wonderful (and always too short) visit with one of my dearest friends. She hitched a ride from up north with another friend coming down to visit her mom. So, I got to visit briefly with that friend for a bit as well! Hope that wasn't too convoluted!  Either way, it was a good day and I am thankful that I felt decent. Each day thereafter is a steady spiral down until day 5 or 6...so today should be the start of recovery - each day a little less pain, a little stronger! We had a great visit this weekend with Bobby and his girlfriend. Since she couldn't be here for Easter, they came this past weekend and then he comes home tonight! The weekend was a bit too busy for me but worth it. By Sunday evening, I eagerly sought out my chair and heating pad!


I made it to church on Sunday, but it still proves to be a lot for me to handle, both physically and emotionally. But, so good to be there at the same time. Such a refreshment. I did have a friend ask me to write down what it has meant to me to have the Lord walking this journey with me. Of course, I said yes and started to get teary-eyed. It's hard to put into words, but I will try. 


So, onward I go. Radiation oncologist appointment on Thursday to learn about that piece. Some have said to be on guard for feelings of fear, now that I am not getting chemo...is the cancer really gone?  I guess, since you're not as actively doing something, many feel fear at the end of treatment. I feel nothing but relief right now. I continue to trust the Lord's guidance along with the wisdom the doctors have shown. I can't say I have had a lot of fear through out this as much as just needing patience and endurance to get through the race. It has certainly been an interesting one.


This is one of my favorite weeks of the year. And my favorite service is this Friday. Good Friday service at our church is always very intentional, sobering and precious. Not depressing, but very thought-provoking. Just a very moving reminder of what the Lord did for us, humbling himself, and it puts my own suffering into perspective. What I am dealing with, in any arena of life, cannot compare to all he took on the cross. That is why he can so well understand what our pains are like. Easter is what it is all about!

^{I Corinthians 15:55-57}

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thankful thoughts:

• The moonlight at night. It is so beautiful and right over my chair.
• Kristen and her willing heart, so patiently helping and driving me around when I can't
• The meals we've received...didn't think we would still need them as much as we do and it is such a gift.
• Cool air at night through an open window and my ceiling fan...these hot flashes are ridiculous!
• The hope of hair growing in soon...still very shiny!
• The gift of salvation through Jesus' work on the cross. So desperately needed.

Have a wonderful day. I'm glad Spring slowed down a bit! I wasn't ready for summer weather so soon.
Andi