Just another day...

What a spectacular day it was. I LOVED the sleeping weather last night, especially since I don't really sleep well and was able to enjoy the cool breeze and actually snuggling under the covers, reading. Hot flashes didn't bother me last night! And the chimes that were gifted to me sounded beautiful in the breeze. I may go to bed by 9ish, but don't sleep til closer to 11 or 12. Still wake up several times a night too. Oh well. It's all a process, getting back to a new normal.

Not much new on many fronts. I miss Kristen, since she is still at camp, but will get to visit again this Thursday. A long day, but so worthwhile. Just spending some of my time getting caught up on odds and ends, starting to plan for school next year, actually keeping up with dead-heading plants for a change...some days with a very nice pace to them. I don't do well when I have a day that is too fast-paced.

I found a new Selah album and am enjoying it. Here are the lyrics to one of the songs, and they certainly mean a great deal to me right now.

He'll hold you

Storms may come, Storms may go

The pain may linger like melting snow

The wind may toss you to and fro

But he'll hold you through it all

He'll hold you

When the tempest rages all around

He'll hold you

Plant your feet on solid ground

He'll hold you

When the waves come crashing down

He'll hold you through it all

Hard time will come, rain will pour

You can't see the road anymore

You heart’s been washed up upon life's shore

But He'll hold you through it all

When you're fallin', hear Him callin'

He will come in the midst of your storm

Just hold on tight with all your might

He will hold you through it all

I would say that I am doing very well overall, but still go through discouraging times when I wonder if I'll be my old self again. Not needing naps, having my feet feel fine, and my balance back. But I know it is timing, and can't really imagine coming out of this last year completely unaffected. Many of the ways I have been affected are positive - deeper trust in the Lord, more focused on important things, appreciation of small things, learning to pace myself and let other things go...

Thankful thoughts:

• Cool sleeping weather!
• Steaks on the grill
• Unhurried time at home
• Visiting camp - not the same as being there, but better than nothing.
• A good report from my Plastic Surgeon. He thinks my skin looks amazing! Yay!
• All the folks who make camp such an amazing place every year - I know it's not perfect, but it is indeed precious
• Having things done to relax for the evening
• Having Buddy finished with his Mom's house...he and Tina have done so very much and it is over...

I pray you all have a good night's sleep and a great day tomorrow. Just heard from Kristen and she is doing well. So glad she loves it up there. I know the days will end when our kids are not home anymore, so I am enjoying every moment...I so enjoy having Megan still home. She is such a joy and a bright spot. It's been great having Bob home, and a mile away for work this summer, so he comes home every day for lunch! Hardly see Kristen right now, but she's where she needs to be. We will catch up with her in July! So many things I find for which to be thankful. 

God bless...

Andi

The gift of song...

Well, this morning, I was able to help sing for worship at church for the first time in almost a year. I was exhausted, but it felt good to sing again! Nothing fancy, no solos, just singing harmony and melody, depending on the song. I love to sing, and love to worship with Matt Griffith and the crew he usually asks. What a blessing. It was fun, encouraging and something else that is being restored from this past year. I don't know how often I will be able to do this, but it was a good thing. I am thankful. 


Buddy is feeling much better, thinks he never had Lyme's and is having to listen to me nag him to be careful and persistent. Another friend from church snagged him this morning who is a physician that helps a lot of folks with Lyme's, and discussed things with him. It's hard when you get a false negative, and you feel a ton better! He will probably pursue another blood test this friend suggested that can show the reality earlier than other blood tests. Tricky thing, Lyme's is...


Thankful thoughts:

• The recent lack of humidity the past few days
• Naps, especially when nighttime sleep eludes me
• Rosebushes
• A day-visit to Joni camp. better than nothing! And I get to go again this week!
• Scrambled eggs made by my son. Yumminess.  :)
• Reading. One of my favorite pastimes

This is my prayer for you...it is one of my favorite passages, and holds so many things that I wish for you.

Ephesians 3:14-21

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

As far as my situation...my radiation burns are healing very well. Still itchy, but mostly faded. I need to stay out of the sun since that skin is too sensitive for sunscreen. That's okay..heat is not my friend right now anyway! Be praying for my feet. They continue to be an issue, and I am pursuing some other options to help them. We will see...


Have a blessed week. Enjoy the cooler weather this week!
Andi

Life continues to be interesting...

Well, another eventful weekend in our household. In my almost-30 years of marriage to this wonderful man, Buddy, I have only seen him VERY sick about 3-4 times. Borderline pneumonia years ago, appendicitis, and this weekend. We are waiting on results and think that he may have Lyme's disease, but won't know til bloodwork comes back. He was so sick though, that we got him to an ER on Saturday night, due to dehydration and a headache that was excruciating for him...couldn't keep anything down to help with that. Sunday started showing some improvement and he slept most of the day away. And he took his first sick day today in 10 years-ish! It was a pleasure to serve him and drive him to the ER, but I am certainly worn out today! It was worth it, and glad to do something for him for a change...very thankful he is showing some improvement and resting today (although, while I was gone this morning, he cleaned up the family room and kitchen..even scrubbed my stovetop! Now he is cleaning up around the pool. THEN, he intends to take a nap and read the paper! He does NOT sit still easily!)


This song has been repeating in my heart and mind lately. I have no choice but to rest in His everlasting arms...

O Wondrous Love
O wondrous love that will not let me go
I cling to You with all my strength and soul
Yet if my hold should ever fail
This wondrous love will never let me go

O wondrous love that’s come to dwell in me
Lord who am I that I should come to know
Your tender voice assuring me
This wondrous love will never let me go

CHORUS
I’m resting in the everlasting arms
In the ever faithful heart
The Shepherd of my life
You’ll carry me on Your mighty wings of grace
Keeping me until the day
I look into Your eyes

O wondrous love that sings of Calvary
The sweetest sound this sinner’s ever known
The song of Your redeeming Son
Whose wondrous love will never let me go

O wondrous love that rushes over me
I can’t escape this river’s glorious flow
You overwhelm my days with good
Your wondrous love will never let me go

Another thing this weekend - I said goodbye and God bless to our team from church that heads to the Spruce Lake Retreat center for Joni and Friends family retreats...first time in 8 years I have not been able to go, and my heart just aches. I have NO doubt the Lord will do wonderful things, and I know He works VERY well without me! He doesn't need me, but has allowed me to serve there, and I don't like missing it! Purely selfish motives, and I pray that those serving in my stead will be a blessing and be blessed as well. Such a wonderful place, and I have been thankful for it over the years on many levels. Just another evidence that He has a different schedule than I do, and I know His timing is perfect. That being said...I still don't like being home when I know camp is happening!

In that light, please read the following form Jesus Calling this morning:

You are my beloved child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you. Concentrate on keeping in step with Me, instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment.  Your hope and future are rooted in heaven, where eternal ecstasy awaits you. Nothing can rob you of your inheritance of unimaginable riches and well-being. Sometimes I grant you glimpses of your glorious future, to encourage you and spur you on. But your main focus should be staying close to Me. I set the pace in keeping with your needs and My purposes.

Joni and Friends Retreats are some of the glimpses He gives me...it is a little piece of heaven here on earth...not perfect, but pretty close!

Thankful thoughts:

• My rose bush. Planted last year, beautiful this year!
• The strength to help Buddy this weekend
• Cool nights for sleeping
• A faithful puppy keeping my toes warm
• All the ladies serving on the front porch at camp as I type. Miss them, and so thankful for them!
• People telling me they loved my baldness and like the cropped hair I have so far!

One verse that has struck me recently:

Proverbs 16:9

In their hearts humans plan their course,
    but the Lord establishes their steps.

I'm thankful for a heavenly Father who knows what He is doing. We make plans, but He is he one directing. So much wiser than I. May I be established in Him, sensitive to the steps He wants me to take.

This picture was taken on my last day of radiation treatment.  I have more hair by now! Have a blessed day.

Andi

It's been a while...

Hey everyone. So, you can be assured I am doing better since I have not been on here for quite a while. And I am doing better. Not 100% yet, but getting better bit by bit. I'm finding myself processing a lot emotionally, more than I was earlier. Whether that's a natural thing or just a matter of having the time to process things, I don't know...I'm told that a lot of ladies do this! Overall, I am continuing to feel so thankful for my doctors, and extremely thankful that my main treatments are over. I have to guard against feeling that just because it's over doesn't mean that I'm back to normal. I am dealing with some radiation burns (apparently, they continue to accelerate in reaction for a week or two before they begin to heal - who knew?!). And there are some lingering chemo side effects. They may be more permanent, but time will tell. Over and over again, I am reminded of just how long this journey is.  Step by step...


I think because so much effort is put into getting through surgery, and especially chemo, that there is a letdown when it is all done. Radiation was definitely easier, but not without its own issues. Whether one is trying to 'put on a brave front', or just needs to cope with side effects, getting through things is just doing the next right thing. Once that concentration is over, many folks get fearful of a recurrence. I honestly haven't gone there at all, but definitely see the letdown factor...such relief, but a bit of a loss of what has identified you for so many months. And I'm not done - healing will take months, and doctor visits continue forever!  Seems like it, anyway. Thankfully, my identity is not about this. This has been a phase of life, and will continue to color my days for quite some time. But, the Lord has been faithful, reminding me where I am truly grounded.


One of my current favorites:


You Deliver Me by Selah


Deep as the ocean, right as rain
This powerful emotion lifts me up above the plain
It's taken me to places I never thought I'd go
Showing me a grace I never thought I'd know

When I feel like I can't go on, You deliver me
When the road is winding and way too long
You deliver me, You deliver me

I feel like a sinner, my sins have been washed clean
An absolute beginner whose heart has never seen
I must be forgiven sometimes asking why
I was chosen to be given you in this life

When there's a distance
Between what I am and who I want to be
You deliver me




Just a beautiful song, and I have often felt like I'm on a winding road that is way too long. I know many of you have longer roads than I. He knows and He is walking it with you, too.

Psalm 62:5-8

Yes, my soul, find rest in God. My hope comes from Him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

I wonder how many times I have repeated myself!? Hopefully, not noticeably often, for your sakes...I just find myself going back to some of the same verses that offer strength and encouragement. Getting used to a new 'normal' is not always easy. But, it is possible!


Thankful thoughts:

• Wind chimes...ladies, you know who you are who gifted me with them on my 'bell-ringing' day. I smile every day.
• People willing to put lotion on my back - even when it's not their favorite thing to do and they don't like greasy fingers.  :)
• Cool evening/sleeping weather
• Finch eggs - every year, they next in one of our hanging baskets on the front porch. 4 eggs so far.
• My very soft, fuzzy hair growing in!
• Medicine to help burns heal
• Tube tops! I found one at Walmart! It is a makeshift bandage to hold medicine and pads in place to cover my healing burns. Bright pink too! Haven't worn one in YEARS...and won't any time soon when I am better!

Have a blessed evening, what's left of it. I am heading to bed and pray that you sleep deeply and well. It is so healing to do that!

Andi

3 days off!

What a beautiful, hot, humid day! The heat and I are not friends right now, but it is lovely. Some of our spring flowers are beginning to fade away, but the roses are starting to bloom and the annuals I planted are adding some amazing color, plus the hanging baskets on the front porch...so pretty.


Kristen is on day 7 in China, and we are hearing some amazing stories about her trip coming through some emails. What a wonderful experience for her! I hope she comes home!


Radiation is going pretty well...more fatigue each week and some redness/itching but nothing at all unusual. More uncomfortable, but again, just what is expected. So, as has been my life for the last many months, I do what I can when I can - otherwise I rest. And wait.


Songs this week...an old one by Carman. Anyone know him!?


Step of Faith
Above the noise I hear the voice of God givin' the choice for me to say
I do believe and will receive within the heart of me the seed of faith
He does accept a baby step as long as I have kept His word inside
But Jesus knows that I must grow and tells me I must go ahead and try
Well all right, okay, I guess it's up, up and away

Chorus 
I'm takin' a step, takin' a step of faith, Walkin' out on the promises God made
Takin' a giant leap in the air, Steppin' out on nothin' and findin' somethin' there
Tellin' the doubt to wait, wait, wait, wait
I'm takin' a step of faith

It turns me out to think I'd doubt someone with so much clout from up above
And yet I see the way that He can work with me and do it all in love
The past is gone, the future's long and I need someone strong to help me through
I'm ready now to take the vow and see just what the power of God can do
Well all right, okay, I guess it's up, up and away

Walking with the Lord, stepping in the light
Living by faith and not by sight...


I do love my music. Such a variety! This one has a funky beat and sticks with me.


From Jesus Calling:
Approach each new day with desire to find me. Before you get out of bed, I have already been working to prepare the path that will get you through this day...Search for deep treasure as you go through this day. You will find Me all along the way.

Colossians 2:2-3

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Isaiah 33:6

  He will be the sure foundation for your times,  a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;   the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.


These verses are precious to me. The Lord knows that there are days I need to be encouraged in my heart, and that I want complete understanding. He is teaching me so much, and is truly my sure foundation.


Thankful thoughts:

• A weekend with Bobby home, and Brit here too!
• Ice cubes...so nice on a hot head!
• Friendly people in a very crowded Walmart. That could have been a stressful trip! 
• Summer flowers. 
• BBQ ribs (never made them!) and shrimp on the grill...hope it's good!
• Air conditioning. Definitely necessary these days...

Have a great weekend, wherever you are. Just a brief word of very genuine thanks to all who have served or do serve in our military. This is what the weekend is all about and we have more than we know to be thankful for. I am blessed to know and pray for someone is each branch of our military (more than one in several branches), and I count it a privilege to hold you in prayer. Matt, Patrick, Dan, Ricky, Jessie, and so many others...you are a blessing to us.


Love to all,
Andi

Number 18 today...feeling it!

I can certainly say that, for the most part, what docs have told me has been pretty consistent...when I feel sick, or better, or needing time, or feeling fatigue, etc. They know what they are talking about, even though there are so many variables for each person. I have treatment #18 this morning, week 4. Even though it seems forever day to day, it is going very quickly in the whole scheme of things. So much easier in many ways than chemo was, but not without its issues. Time-consuming, fatiguing (but not til this week, really), and some minor skin issues starting. Again, they are taking good care of me and all the techs/nurses and Dr. Curry are delightful. I have been able to share in the 'ringing of the bell' with several ladies before or after my appointment, signifying the end of their treatments and that is such a simple pleasure! June 11th, I will be doing the same!


As you can tell by my lack of entries, I am getting busier as well as often too weary to write when I do have the time. And I sometimes feel as though I say the same things over and over, so I just don't always want to bore you! The Lord is reinforcing many lessons learned - primarily those about pacing myself, choosing priorities, and being comfortable with where I am right now. Trusting in His timing in restoring my energy and abilities, along with my physical healing. Still have so much to learn!


Songs I have been enjoying on my travels...

Every Time I Breathe (by Big Daddy Weave)

I am sure all of heaven's heard me cry 
As I tell You all the reasons why 
This life is just too hard 
But day by day, without fail 
I'm finding everything I need 
And everything that You are to me 

Chorus: 
Every time I breathe You seem a little bit closer 
I never want to leave, I want to stay in Your warm embrace 
Oh basking in the glory shining from Your face 
And every time I get another glimpse of Your heart 
I realize it's true that You are so marvelous God 
And I am so in love with You 

Now how could I after knowing One so great 
Respond to You in any way that's less than all I have to give 
But by Your grace I want to love You not with what I say 
But everyday in a way that my life is lived 

Depth of Mercy (by Selah)

Depth of mercy, can there be mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear? Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

Heaven find me on my knees
Hear my soul’s impassioned plea
Depth of mercy can there be
Mercy still reserved for me


There are others, but I'll save them for another day!


Thankful thoughts:

• The beauty of spring flowers! Planting flowers, seeing the riot of color as blooming is at its height...just LOVE it!
• Opening our pool...yay!
• Email - I can still keep in touch with Kristen while she is away! (China - huge trip!)
• Ceiling fans - hot flashes are intense these days...don't know where I would be without it!
• Days of energy - they are very encouraging!

I leave you with this verse.
I Peter 5:6-7:  Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


He is so capable and willing. Love to you all.
Andi

One of the few times I enjoy shopping...

I am not your typical mall-chick. Never have been, never will be. There's nothing wrong with being one. I'm just not! However, I do enjoy shopping with my girls. Yesterday, after radiation, Kristen and I hit the outlets for some shopping therapy for her upcoming trip to China, had lunch with Buddy and got home in time to get some much-needed rest and work done. All in all, one of the very few times I thorougly enjoy shopping - that and Christmas!


Even though treatments are only about 7-8 minutes long, I keep my eyes closed and sing to myself...no shock there, if you know me well!  The following song has been running through my mind. Specifically, Selah's version of it...they have a great, upbeat medley of this with 'Leaning on the Everlasting Arms' and 'Washed in the Blood', for those of you who know old hymns.


Standing on the promises

1. Standing on the promises of Christ my King,
   Through eternal ages let His praises ring,
   Glory in the highest, I will shout and sing,
   Standing on the promises of God.
   • Refrain:
     Standing, standing,
     Standing on the promises of God my Savior;
     Standing, standing,
     I’m standing on the promises of God.
2. Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
   When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
   By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
   Standing on the promises of God.
3. Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
   List’ning every moment to the Spirit’s call,
   Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
   Standing on the promises of God.

When driving there by myself, I sing this at the top of my lungs along with several others. I think through some of His promises to me...

• He will never leave me. (Hebrews 13:5)
• I cannot be separated from His love (Romans 8:35)
• I am welcome in His presence (Ephesians 3:12)
• I do not need to stay in darkness (John 12:46)
• He is a great source of comfort. (John 16:33, Matthew 11:28)
• I am His child (John 1:12, Isaiah 43:1)
• He is faithful and loves me (Isaiah 54:10)
• He provides guidance when I don't know where to go. (Isaiah 42:16)

That last one means a great deal - 

Isaiah 42:16 

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

So many times I'm waiting, unsure of next steps...so thankful for His promises.

Thankful thoughts:

• Seeing Kristen's face light up when she finds something she likes...
• Agreeing with her!
• A successful shopping trip!
• An afternoon at home and unexpected naps
• A husband who is happy with leftovers or cereal for dinner
• Surprise lunches with him!
• Fitting several pieces into the puzzle in the waiting room - got 5 yesterday!
• First sip of coffee in the morning...never get tired of it!
• A sister who is so generous with her time and knowledge - caring for Dad (and Mom) through this stage of their lives. We are all helping...but her knowledge is invaluable, along with her compassion. 

Have a wonderful day!

Andi