Moving along...

Day 2 has been typical and not too bad. I was able to get quite a few things done, and had a delightful visit with my sister-in-law, Carolyn, who graciously gave up her time in Bible study to drive me to my day-after shot. I could do it myself, but get so tired driving long ways, and am foggy-brained the day after. I am thankful for her in many ways, and she is a tremendous example of a servant. Paul did good!

I am constantly reminded these days of little things for which to be thankful. When there are verses that talk about the Lord sparing us, or no evil thing overtaking us (Psalm 91), it would be easy to question Him as to why did I have to get cancer, or why did so-and-so get injured so badly or so many other things that seem 'unfair' or unexplainable. I don't know all the answers, but I DO know that what I DO deserve is His wrath and He has given me His grace and mercy instead in sending His Son, Jesus to take my eternal punishment. All the stuff we deal with here is due to living in a sin-filled, fallen world. The bigger picture is that He has redeemed me from this! This cancer won't overtake me...no matter what happens...even though my prognosis is very good, it has certainly taken over a large part of my life. And there are risks, no matter what. But, the bigger picture is that this world is a blink of an eye compared to the glory and eternity of heaven. The battles here can be fierce, but the war is won for those who believe in Him. He allows things like this to draw us closer to Him and to see glimpses of Him where we would least expect it. To teach us greater dependence on Him. So...I'm preaching.  Sorry...many things are weighing on many friends' hearts these days. Many are hurting in a wide variety of ways. I don't know how to put into words that I am praying fiercely for many and long to see so many understand that bigger picture. He loves us so dearly and longs for us to know Him well, especially in the midst of all this here.  

Thankful thoughts:

• Carolyn, plain and simple - soup, driving, good conversation.
• All my Hearts and Hands ladies at church who are covering the office so very well. What a blessing.
• The fun of watching so many birds playing at my birdfeeder today!
• A warm, dry house
• Benadryl...I have a side effect of itching, whether steroids or chemo, and am thankful for the relief Benadryl brings!
• Working with Matt Carter - fun!

Thanks as always for listening...especially when I preach/ramble like that. I leave you with some verses from Psalm 91, shared with me today by a friend who battled cancer 10 years ago.

Psalm 91:1-6, 9-12, 14-16

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday...If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Sleep well. I hope I do as well!  Andi

 

Just sittin' here...

Just a quick update to let you know I'm sitting here, just started round #6, and am so thankful for the nurses here.  Putting the IV into the port didn't hurt, praise the Lord! Kristen and I stopped at Wawa for water bottles and an easy lunch. And we've moved in...

Verse for the day:

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Now this is truly talking about not being timid in sharing our faith, using the gift God gave us. But, I also believe it can be applied to fear in general. Sometimes, it overwhelms...there is always a lot of deep breathing on my way into this office. And, they couldn't be more wonderful and kind! Just knowing what's coming makes me anxious...but the Lord always proves faithful, so why do I get nervous!?  Just so painfully human...

Some of my favorite verses from Psalm 139:

You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down;  you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand — when I awake, I am still with you.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Have a blessed day. Mine will be better once I'm on my way home!  But, I am thankful for this being #6 and having it be a beautiful day. A wonderful kid sitting next to me and still finding things to chuckle about.

Andi

I expected a call today...

I fully expected a phone call today, telling me that I was going to have my chemo bumped due to low white cell count, but no!  So, I am on for round #6 tomorrow and glad of it, in a backward sort of way. I do not look forward to these treatments, but having another one out of the way is a good thing. I have had a pretty nasty cold the last week and a half, so I guess that's why I didn't think I'd be going tomorrow. Kristen is my buddy for the day, and a good one at that. So thankful she has her permit and a willing spirit.

There's not much to tell these days...just plowing through each day, dealing with side effects (which are less severe with the new meds), and imagining life without eyebrows. They are on the way out! Thinner each day, as are my lashes. But that is okay. They'll come back. This journey has been nothing if not interesting.

My sleep is still an issue and a friend of mine shared the following verses, which were beautifully timed. When I can't sleep, I truly do pray and have come to cherish it in a way. It has helped me feel more connected to some folks when I can't be out and about as I usually am.

Psalms 119:148-149

My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, LORD, according to your laws.

Psalm 119:71-72

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The law from your mouth is more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.

Believe me, I would not ask for this to be a part of my life journey. However, I can clearly see how it has been a good thing. So many lessons learned, so much of God's grace experienced - and I would not have learned it otherwise.

Thankful thoughts:

• Having tomorrow over with!
• A beautiful spring-like day today here in PA
• Bobby coming home on Friday! Always a plus
• Having the energy to be able to get alot done today, even making a simple dinner.
• Seeing more birds at my feeders. Such a pleasure.
• Looking forward to getting bluebird feeders up
• Snuggling with Kitty - he rarely allows it. Or should I say, Bailey usualy interrupts it!

If you think of me tomorrow or read this sometime during the day, pray that it goes well. I often have a lot of anxiety over it, and it turns out to be nothing. But, it is not my favorite way to spend an afternoon...except for the company.  :)

Some days are longer than others...

I didn't read my 'Jesus Calling' yesterday until late last night, but as always, it had something to say.

"Be on guard against the pit of self-pity...don't even go near the edge of the pit...there are several ways to protect yourself from self-pity. When you are occupied with praising and thanking Me, it is impossible to feel sorry for yourself. Also, the closer you live to Me, the more distance there is between you and the pit. Live in the Light of My Presence by fixing your eyes on Me. Then you will be able to run with endurance the race that is set before you, without sumbling or falling."  (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

I am not one to wallow in self-pity and am thankful for that, yet sometimes this journey seems longer than others. I know it is nothing compared to what many face, and most days by God's grace, I can see 'the end' no matter how far away it is and find many things to do and be thankful for in the midst of it. Other days, not so much. This new chemo is better in many ways, as I have said. But it has definitely bothered my legs. 3-4 days of pain, and this week, my legs are just weak and achy. I need to make sure I take my time (what else is new these days!), get my feet under me when I get up, and I just have to watch where I am going. I have not had any of the neuropathy yet, except some tingling in the soles of my feet. But, I'm just not as steady. That's why yesterday's message meant so much to me. He has given me a race to run. He has given us ALL a race to run, and we need to run it well...I'm not exactly running right now, but still need to keep focused on Him, His purpose in this, and draw near to Him to do this well and keep moving forward. I certainly can't do it well on my own. And I don't want to be stumbling and falling, literally or figuratively - grace is not exactly my middle name under 'normal' circumstances!

So, onward and upward, whatever the pace.  :)

Psalm 89:15-16

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD.  They rejoice in your name all day long; they celebrate your righteousness.

 

Hebrews 12

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Thankful thoughts:

• 2 dear friends who came to clean for me. What a blessing!  One even gave up her lunch hour.
• The beauty of Spring sneaking a peek around...I see daffodils beginning to emerge, hyacinths peeking out, and it excites me!
• The meals we have received. Such a continual blessing, and so yummy. I don't know if anyone truly understands what a gift they are. Energy levels being what they are, I think we would be surviving on cereal without them!
• Fresh, warm laundry - therapeutic in its own right
• Daughters that can be such good medicine. Together, they are like a comedy routine and just bring such joy!

Thanks for your patience and consistency in reading this. I don't always take the time to write as often as I would like. Dont' always know that I have a lot to say, so I just stay quiet. But, I value your time and thoughtfulness in keeping up with me. Your friendships are such a gift to me!

The pictures to the side are of some of my visitors to my favorite birdfeeder. Enjoy!

Gotta love Walmart...

Kristen and I went out of a few errands today. Didn't even have to get out of the car until Walmart, and I was planning on using a motorized cart...the Taxol is causing pretty severe joint and muscle pain. It is only supposed to last a couple of days, so I pray that it is relieved by tomorrow, but it makes walking very uncomfortable.  And sleeping, but that's another story.

Of course, the only unclaimed motorized cart didn't work, so I felt a bit stranded in the middle of the store. I was really looking forward to puttering around with her, for a more normal trip, but not to be.  Thank the Lord that some friends 'just happened by'...God's providence and the benefit of living in a small town where you ALWAYS know someone when you go to Walmart! They were there to get a free pretzel at "Auntie Anne's", and I was there just in time for them to serve.  Jen stayed nearby and walked me back out to the car so Kristen could be on her way. SO glad for a gentle arm to hold.

So, please be praying that this pain goes away. It is quite intrusive! So many fewer overall side effects with this, but the pain is tough. I am praying that it is fading by tomorrow or Monday.

Thankful thoughts:

• Prayers offered in the middle of the night - they have a different sweetness to them to me. Got an email just before bed last night requesting prayer for someone, and it was offered several times all night long.
• Morning coffee with just my honey. Miss Megan and Kristen for it, but glad Megs is getting a break and that Kristen slept in. It was a long week.
• Heating pads, and microwaveable heating pads...wrapped around knees and ankles. Comforting.
• 2 birdfeeders up and giving simple pleasures
• A delicious dinner delivered last night, from a friend over an hour away...she schemed with a local restaurant...and wouldn't you know, we knew the delivery person!  Gotta love Elverson...

From my reading this morning - it has always been one of my favorites, ever since DFD class years ago:

Titus 3:4-8

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying.

Have a blessed day. Actually feels pretty incredible out there! I even have hyacinths trying to come up...not yet!
Andi

Long week behind me...few more long days ahead...

Buddy's mom's service went very well on Monday and I continue to marvel at God's timing in everything. It was such a blessing to be able to be a part of things, even knowing my next day was chemo. Singing went well, and it felt good to sing again! And, in spite of the circumstances, it was very good to see many old friends at the "Valley" and have time with family. We are thankful in so many ways.

Chemo went okay too. Since it was a new drug and protocol, I had more anxiety than I expected heading into it, but things went smoothly. And overall, they say this is an easier treatment. I don't have some of the annoying side effects that went with the other meds ( 4 day headache, burning eyes, etc.). So, these few days are a bit easier. My shakes from steroids are not as bd and my sugars have been better. That alone helps tremendously. Fatigue is still the same, and I have joint and muscle pain. But, not as much nausea, thankfully. We will see how things progress...just glad I am underway again. I do seem to be catching a nasty cold, so I will be in touch with docs if necessary on how to handle that - blah...

In the midst of all the chaos surrounding the last few weeks and days, there are things that speak to me over and over again of the Lord's unfailing love and faithfulness to us. When leaving for chemo on Tuesday, the "Jesus Calling" entry started with, ironically:

"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life."

And He was ever-present...

Then, this morning:

"Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still. Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again. Some of the greatest works of My kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells...Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me."

Boy does that echo what I am feeling right now. Being a 'doer', it has been hard at times to stay still. The Lord has helped in keeping me content, but it still rises up at times. Right now, we have Buddy's Florida family (brother Bob and all) and his sister, Tina and clan here to be together. I am hibernating in my little room, going out once in a while. Just can't handle the noise and crowd, but they are more than understanding and patient. Normally, I'd be baking cookies, serving the crowd, playing the games...but not in this season of life. And that's okay...

Thankful thoughts:

• Being able to sing on Monday
• Enjoying some extended family time, no matter what the circumstances...
• My heating pad...feels good on sore ankles
• That I had no adverse reaction to the Taxol
• Sweet time at chemo with my sister and hubby
• Coming home to candles lit, ice water and covers ready, even diet ginger ale next to my chair...wonder who did that, Kristen?
• Delicious meals - thank you Rita and Denise. What a gift every meal has been!
• A yellow-bellied sapsucker at my birdfeeder this morning (Kristen used to call them 'blueberry thumbsuckers"!
• the amazing men and women at Great Valley Church who made Monday so much easier on us - gentle and kind service, prayer, meal, speaking, hugs

Sorry I have been so quiet these days...truly haven't had the energy or time, but I'm hanging in there. 5 down, 3 to go!

Blessings to you all. I covet your prayers in so many ways.

She's home, safe and sound...

The Lord indeed orchestrated so many details this week that we couldn't have worked out and I am thankful. Buddy's mother passed away yesterday afternoon, and we are thankful she is no longer suffering. There are some sad days ahead, for sure, as we adjust. But we are very glad that she didn't linger and is now home with the Lord. There were some very sweet moments in the last days, and I am grateful for that for Buddy and his dear sister, Tina. I am also thankful that I will be well enough to sing at her memorial, since my treatment was postponed..."all things work together for good, to those that love the Lord, to those that are called according to His purpose." That verse rings true this week...He is so very good.

I had my blood drawn today to check levels again and will know Monday if I can go ahead with treatment on Tuesday. Hope I can...ready to move on this new drug and see what it's got up its sleeve. Just ready to move on!

Thankful thoughts:

• Hearing the chatter and laughter of girls upstairs as they get ready for the progressive dinner. Such nice kids.
• Seeing my kids growing in so many ways recently
• That Megan and Kristen could be with Buddy yesterday, since I couldn't
• For Al Kimball and his willing, servant heart
• My strong and brave husband
• My birdfeeder...simple source of calm

Looking forward to filling you in on my next treatment, since that means that I will be moving on!  Never side-effect free, but it is nice to be able to function fairly well this week.

Philippians 1:9-11

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians has always been one of my favorite books in the Bible. So many great thoughts and lessons to learn...

Blessings to you all.
Andi