Some days are longer than others...

I didn't read my 'Jesus Calling' yesterday until late last night, but as always, it had something to say.

"Be on guard against the pit of self-pity...don't even go near the edge of the pit...there are several ways to protect yourself from self-pity. When you are occupied with praising and thanking Me, it is impossible to feel sorry for yourself. Also, the closer you live to Me, the more distance there is between you and the pit. Live in the Light of My Presence by fixing your eyes on Me. Then you will be able to run with endurance the race that is set before you, without sumbling or falling."  (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

I am not one to wallow in self-pity and am thankful for that, yet sometimes this journey seems longer than others. I know it is nothing compared to what many face, and most days by God's grace, I can see 'the end' no matter how far away it is and find many things to do and be thankful for in the midst of it. Other days, not so much. This new chemo is better in many ways, as I have said. But it has definitely bothered my legs. 3-4 days of pain, and this week, my legs are just weak and achy. I need to make sure I take my time (what else is new these days!), get my feet under me when I get up, and I just have to watch where I am going. I have not had any of the neuropathy yet, except some tingling in the soles of my feet. But, I'm just not as steady. That's why yesterday's message meant so much to me. He has given me a race to run. He has given us ALL a race to run, and we need to run it well...I'm not exactly running right now, but still need to keep focused on Him, His purpose in this, and draw near to Him to do this well and keep moving forward. I certainly can't do it well on my own. And I don't want to be stumbling and falling, literally or figuratively - grace is not exactly my middle name under 'normal' circumstances!

So, onward and upward, whatever the pace.  :)

Psalm 89:15-16

Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD.  They rejoice in your name all day long; they celebrate your righteousness.

 

Hebrews 12

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Thankful thoughts:

• 2 dear friends who came to clean for me. What a blessing!  One even gave up her lunch hour.
• The beauty of Spring sneaking a peek around...I see daffodils beginning to emerge, hyacinths peeking out, and it excites me!
• The meals we have received. Such a continual blessing, and so yummy. I don't know if anyone truly understands what a gift they are. Energy levels being what they are, I think we would be surviving on cereal without them!
• Fresh, warm laundry - therapeutic in its own right
• Daughters that can be such good medicine. Together, they are like a comedy routine and just bring such joy!

Thanks for your patience and consistency in reading this. I don't always take the time to write as often as I would like. Dont' always know that I have a lot to say, so I just stay quiet. But, I value your time and thoughtfulness in keeping up with me. Your friendships are such a gift to me!

The pictures to the side are of some of my visitors to my favorite birdfeeder. Enjoy!

Gotta love Walmart...

Kristen and I went out of a few errands today. Didn't even have to get out of the car until Walmart, and I was planning on using a motorized cart...the Taxol is causing pretty severe joint and muscle pain. It is only supposed to last a couple of days, so I pray that it is relieved by tomorrow, but it makes walking very uncomfortable.  And sleeping, but that's another story.

Of course, the only unclaimed motorized cart didn't work, so I felt a bit stranded in the middle of the store. I was really looking forward to puttering around with her, for a more normal trip, but not to be.  Thank the Lord that some friends 'just happened by'...God's providence and the benefit of living in a small town where you ALWAYS know someone when you go to Walmart! They were there to get a free pretzel at "Auntie Anne's", and I was there just in time for them to serve.  Jen stayed nearby and walked me back out to the car so Kristen could be on her way. SO glad for a gentle arm to hold.

So, please be praying that this pain goes away. It is quite intrusive! So many fewer overall side effects with this, but the pain is tough. I am praying that it is fading by tomorrow or Monday.

Thankful thoughts:

• Prayers offered in the middle of the night - they have a different sweetness to them to me. Got an email just before bed last night requesting prayer for someone, and it was offered several times all night long.
• Morning coffee with just my honey. Miss Megan and Kristen for it, but glad Megs is getting a break and that Kristen slept in. It was a long week.
• Heating pads, and microwaveable heating pads...wrapped around knees and ankles. Comforting.
• 2 birdfeeders up and giving simple pleasures
• A delicious dinner delivered last night, from a friend over an hour away...she schemed with a local restaurant...and wouldn't you know, we knew the delivery person!  Gotta love Elverson...

From my reading this morning - it has always been one of my favorites, ever since DFD class years ago:

Titus 3:4-8

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying.

Have a blessed day. Actually feels pretty incredible out there! I even have hyacinths trying to come up...not yet!
Andi

Long week behind me...few more long days ahead...

Buddy's mom's service went very well on Monday and I continue to marvel at God's timing in everything. It was such a blessing to be able to be a part of things, even knowing my next day was chemo. Singing went well, and it felt good to sing again! And, in spite of the circumstances, it was very good to see many old friends at the "Valley" and have time with family. We are thankful in so many ways.

Chemo went okay too. Since it was a new drug and protocol, I had more anxiety than I expected heading into it, but things went smoothly. And overall, they say this is an easier treatment. I don't have some of the annoying side effects that went with the other meds ( 4 day headache, burning eyes, etc.). So, these few days are a bit easier. My shakes from steroids are not as bd and my sugars have been better. That alone helps tremendously. Fatigue is still the same, and I have joint and muscle pain. But, not as much nausea, thankfully. We will see how things progress...just glad I am underway again. I do seem to be catching a nasty cold, so I will be in touch with docs if necessary on how to handle that - blah...

In the midst of all the chaos surrounding the last few weeks and days, there are things that speak to me over and over again of the Lord's unfailing love and faithfulness to us. When leaving for chemo on Tuesday, the "Jesus Calling" entry started with, ironically:

"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life."

And He was ever-present...

Then, this morning:

"Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still. Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again. Some of the greatest works of My kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells...Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me."

Boy does that echo what I am feeling right now. Being a 'doer', it has been hard at times to stay still. The Lord has helped in keeping me content, but it still rises up at times. Right now, we have Buddy's Florida family (brother Bob and all) and his sister, Tina and clan here to be together. I am hibernating in my little room, going out once in a while. Just can't handle the noise and crowd, but they are more than understanding and patient. Normally, I'd be baking cookies, serving the crowd, playing the games...but not in this season of life. And that's okay...

Thankful thoughts:

• Being able to sing on Monday
• Enjoying some extended family time, no matter what the circumstances...
• My heating pad...feels good on sore ankles
• That I had no adverse reaction to the Taxol
• Sweet time at chemo with my sister and hubby
• Coming home to candles lit, ice water and covers ready, even diet ginger ale next to my chair...wonder who did that, Kristen?
• Delicious meals - thank you Rita and Denise. What a gift every meal has been!
• A yellow-bellied sapsucker at my birdfeeder this morning (Kristen used to call them 'blueberry thumbsuckers"!
• the amazing men and women at Great Valley Church who made Monday so much easier on us - gentle and kind service, prayer, meal, speaking, hugs

Sorry I have been so quiet these days...truly haven't had the energy or time, but I'm hanging in there. 5 down, 3 to go!

Blessings to you all. I covet your prayers in so many ways.

She's home, safe and sound...

The Lord indeed orchestrated so many details this week that we couldn't have worked out and I am thankful. Buddy's mother passed away yesterday afternoon, and we are thankful she is no longer suffering. There are some sad days ahead, for sure, as we adjust. But we are very glad that she didn't linger and is now home with the Lord. There were some very sweet moments in the last days, and I am grateful for that for Buddy and his dear sister, Tina. I am also thankful that I will be well enough to sing at her memorial, since my treatment was postponed..."all things work together for good, to those that love the Lord, to those that are called according to His purpose." That verse rings true this week...He is so very good.

I had my blood drawn today to check levels again and will know Monday if I can go ahead with treatment on Tuesday. Hope I can...ready to move on this new drug and see what it's got up its sleeve. Just ready to move on!

Thankful thoughts:

• Hearing the chatter and laughter of girls upstairs as they get ready for the progressive dinner. Such nice kids.
• Seeing my kids growing in so many ways recently
• That Megan and Kristen could be with Buddy yesterday, since I couldn't
• For Al Kimball and his willing, servant heart
• My strong and brave husband
• My birdfeeder...simple source of calm

Looking forward to filling you in on my next treatment, since that means that I will be moving on!  Never side-effect free, but it is nice to be able to function fairly well this week.

Philippians 1:9-11

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians has always been one of my favorite books in the Bible. So many great thoughts and lessons to learn...

Blessings to you all.
Andi

Ahh...the beginning of another week...

I don't know about you, but days are often just not what I expect or plan them to be. I'm really okay with that...there is always something different that comes along that needs to be done, or changes my schedule, or fills my time. Usually, I just take it in stride. Today, I received a phone call from my oncologist's office, telling me that the blood work I get prior to each treatment came back showing that my white count is too low to have chemo tomorrow...COMPLETELY changes my week, which is fine. Just have to step back and readjust. It is a little disappointing since it means that everything gets bumped back a week, and I have to get my blood retested on Saturday again. However, in light of all that is happening with Buddy's mom, it may be exactly the week that I need to have a break. There is certainly a different pace to my days following a treatment than without one. Buddy will be more free to spend time with his mom. And I get to enjoy another more 'normal' week. But, one without very many hugs...to be safe.  :(  Anyone who knows me well knows that is not easy for me.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I will not be able to be involved with Joni and Friends camp to the extent that I usually am. Though that saddens me, I have no doubt the Lord will provide abundantly for my front porch up at camp...He already has, and I'm not surprised! I'll be there in spirit, no doubt, and hope to visit at least. Time will tell...more waiting! Go figure...the story of my life these days.

When Kristen found out about the delay, she said, "Not surprising...you didn't bounce back this time like you did before." I guess I didn't. Plus, while these next four rounds of chemo are supposed to be easier in some ways, one of the side effects is low blood counts, so I am sure they doubly want to make sure I don't start out compromised.

All that to say, the Lord certainly is not surprised by this, has perfect timing that I have learned to trust, and I just need to wait and do what I can each day to the best of my ability.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

This is what I have to do every day.

Thankful thoughts:

• Shoe shopping with Kristen after a Plastic Surgeon appt...good medicine, even if we didn't find the right shoes...yet!
• Seeing my daughter in 4 1/2 inch heels!
• Being able to finish some things this week, being given the time
• The AMAZING moonlight that flowed over me in the middle of the night! Sitting in my chair, I awoke to brilliant moonlight...just lovely
• Bailey - our very own 'thera-puppy', willingly offering all the free snuggles needed on a bad day
• Dinner, again, from Padge - shared with a friend of Kristen's tonight while they worked on lines for the play they are in. (I like when things feel normal!)

God bless, everyone. In spite of how things seem sometimes, He does bless us in so many ways, and desires to do so. It just isn't always how we expect...
Andi

Just a quick note...

I love how the Lord is faithful in little things...Buddy's mom did indeed have a massive stroke on Wednesday where 2/3 of the right side of her brain has been affected. Though she is talking when spoken to, recognizes people and can carry on a conversation, she is not opening her eyes or moving in any way. She was able to eat a bit today, which was good. However, due to heart complications, she is not at all a candidate for any kind of rehab, which she wouldn't tolerate anyway. (This is a simplified version of all that is going on...) Buddy and his sister, Tina, along with the support of many in the hospital and at home, decided to place their mom in hospice care. It is a loving decision, and I mentioned that the Lord is faithful in many little things...let me explain...

Buddy's mom has always been a bright, sharp, articulate lady. Started a senior center, kept up with so many things and always talked about how she prayed that the Lord would do 2 things:

1. Keep her mind sharp - she wanted to keep her faculties as she aged.
2. Allow her to pass away at home.

Well, her mind is still pretty sharp in the midst of this. And, apparently, part of her brain-damage has allowed her to completely believe that she is still at home. No one can convince her otherwise. I think that is a very unique way that the Lord is protecting and providing for her, even in these difficult days. He cares about every detail.

These last few days have been hard ones, yet not without its sweet moments. Megan told me today that she is amazed at how the brain works. She was having a completely coherent, albeit slow and simple conversation about something with Nana - when she then asked Megan to please go up to the guest bedroom and get the picture of Buddy with JoePa. Wow...I have been so proud of Buddy and the way he has handled all of this with such grace. Sad, realistic, all that goes with it - but not without the hope of knowing she will be with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 1:2-4

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

As for me, I am doing pretty well. Typical better days in between and I am grateful. I hope to enjoy the weekend by resting when necessary, catching up before next Tuesday, enjoying my girls (including a friend of Megan's here for the weekend), and doing whatever I can to support Buddy.

Thankful thoughts:

• Our God is a God of thoughtful details
• Being able to drive a bit this week
• Buddy's calm in the midst of this storm - not easy
• My sister, who made herself so available as a nurse advocate for Buddy and Tina, especially when I couldn't be there

Have a blessed weekend, however you choose to spend it and wherever the Lord has you.

Andi

Somewhere down the road...

Before I get into my ramblings, I would covet your prayers for Buddy's mother, who was admitted to the hospital yesterday following a pretty major stroke. She is 87, not in great health due to some other issues and just don't know right now what will happen. She is pretty out of it, but can rouse and answer questions...only thing she gets wrong is where she is. As far as she is concerned, she is still at home! She has lived a full life and knows the Lord...hard to see her this way. Pray for Buddy and his sister as well...and family in Florida...as we navigate through this. Thank you so much.

Listening to some music in the car today while actually by myself for a change! I've always been a fan of Amy Grant - maybe because I can sing her music (we both have low voices), maybe because I just like it and she is my age...always felt like I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with her...also because of her love of high school kids (at least at one point - she has an OLD cd of songs written for a group that used to meet in her barn, I believe, called "Songs from the Loft"). Anyway, I was listening to one of her old songs and a newer one, and many of the words seemed to fit where I am right now. Doing okay, by the way. Upswing week is pretty good. Here are the words and thanks for reading them...

Somewhere Down the Road by Amy Grant and Wayne Kirkpatrich
Somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road, though we cannot see it now
Somewhere down the road, there will be mighty arms reaching for you
And they will have the answers at the end of the road.

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
Thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
All that I can do is keep on walkin', walkin' round the bend, singing...

Why, why why does it go this way?
Why, why, why and all I can say is

Somewhere down the road, there'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road, though we cannot see it now
Somewhere down the road, there will be mighty arms reaching for you
And they will have the answers at the end of the road.

Overnight  by Amy Grant, Natalie Hemby, Luke Laird and Audrey Spillman
I feel like my pace is at a standstill. Do I wait till it falls into my hands?
A long highway ahead, getting started. Steady hearted, is what I think I am.
There's something to be said, for experience.
Who knows what's ahead. Keep on going.

If it all just happened overnight, you wouldn't know how much it means.

If it all just happened overnight, you would never learn to believe
In what you cannot see. Oh, what you cannot see.

Take it a day, a day at a time, One foot in front of the other.
Take it a day, a day at a time, No need to hurry, hurry.
Take it a day, a day at a time, It won't happen overnight.

So there you have it. I enjoy these songs and they are certainly not indicative of where I am in every area of my life. But there are just some phrases in there that seem to fit quite a bit. Don't read too much into them, but enjoy them for what they are.  I have learned alot about being patient for answers, waiting, and being thankful for where I am at the moment and valuing the learning process but have a long way to go...don't we all? I have no doubt that the Lord is in control...had a chance to meet my lymphedema therapist today and had a great chat with her...and got to talk about Joni and Friends. What an unexpected blessing! You never know what might come of something...she was a joy.

Thankful thoughts:

• My new friend at Chester County Rehab.
• Being able to help my Mom and Dad today.
• Driving and listening to music all by myself...tired now, but still nice.
• Having some quiet rest now.
• Flowers for me...and my girls! Thank you, Carolyn.  :)

Have a blessed evening. Hope I didn't bore you all too much with the songs. I can hear them in my head as I type them and that helps...look them up!

Andi